Green & Fazio

Barry Green.....Phil Hartman
Woman.....Julia Sweeney
Defending Lawyer.....Kevin Nealon



[ open on interior, Barry Green's law office ]

Barry Green: Have you been in an accident? Have you witnessed an accident? Have you suffered psychological damage from hearing someone describe an accident he saw?
Hello, I'm Barry Green, of the law firm of Green & Fazio, here with another Litigation Myth.
Myth #4: You cannot file for an accident in which you were not involved. False.
We at Green & Fazio realize that when an accident occurs, it's not just those involved who suffer. That's why we've pioneered in whole new areas of accident litigation, including Bystander Trauma, Phantom Whiplash, and Near-Collision Stress Disorder. Why not come in for a free consultation and let us help you collect the money you didn't even realize you were entitled to?

[ cut to a Woman on the street ]

Woman: I'd love to sue somebody, but don't I need a reason?

[ cut back to Barry Green's law office ]

Barry Green: Myth #8: In order to be successful, a lawsuit must have merit. False.

At the law firm of Green & Fazio, we know that some of the most lucrative lawsuits are nuisance suits. you see, today's large corporations and wealthy individuals would rather settle out-of-court than deal with the headaches, the harassment, of endless emotionally draining litigation. And no one harasses defendents like Green & Fazio.

[ cut to a defending lawyer talking with Green & Fazio on his cellphone ]

Defending Lawyer: Look, Green, stop harassing me! Alright, what'll it cost to make you go away? I'd rather settle than sit in court with a lying piece of human garbage like you!

[ cut back to Barry Green's law office ]

Barry Green: Green & Fazio. In the fight for justice, we're on your side.

Announcer: Dial 1-500-HARASSS. The extra S is for extra harassment.


SNL Transcripts