Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 18: Episode 5

92e: Catherine O'Hara / 10,000 Maniacs

Richmeister's Halloween

Richmeister.....Rob Schneider
Larry.....Chris Rock
Randy.....Kevin Nealon
Fabio.....David Spade
Steve.....Phil Hartman
Laura.....Catherine O'Hara
Death.....Terry Turner

[Larry enters the Copy Room dressed as Captain Hook]

Richmeister: Captain Hook! The Hookmeister! Larry from Accounting! Peg Leg a Rama!

Larry: Hey Rich. Just makiní some copies of directions to the party tonight.

Richmeister: Alright! The Walk the Plankster! Makiní copies! Baron Von Plankenstein!

Larry: See ya, Rich. [exits]

Richmeister: No directions for the Richmeister! Must think I already know the way!

[Randy enters the Copy Room dressed as Madonna]

Richmeister: Madonna! The dirty Bookenator! 50 bucks, too expensive for the Richmeister!

Randy: Hey Richmeister, just making some copies.

Richmeister: The Randstress, very comfortable as a woman!

Randy: Deal with it, Rich. [leaves]

[Fabio enters the Copy Room dressed in a generic ghost costume]

Richmeister: Alright, the Halloween classic, the scary ghost! Ghostiferus scariamus! Alright, itís Bob! [silence] Tony, from shipping! [silence] No? Hmmm. Fabio from the mailroom! The colognemeister!

Fabio: Thatís me, Rich.

Richmeister: Alright! Admiral Brute of the S.S. Old Spice! Free with ten dollar purchase!

[Fabio exits, and Steve enters wearing his usual suit]

Richmeister: Steve! No costume for the Steve-man! Big Chief No Fun from the I Donít Wanna Tribe!

Steve: No, Rich, Iíve got a costume. Itís just that Randy and I both came as Madonna, and Iím really upset about it. I had my heart set on it. [leaves]

Richmeister: Steve? Steve-OÖ

[Laura enters the Copy Room dressed as Marie Antoinette]

Laura: Hi Rich, happy Halloween!

Richmeister: Alright! Marie Antoinette, the Let Them Eat Cakestress!

Laura: Nope, itís just me, Laura.

Richmeister: Senorita Guillotina!

Laura: No, this is from before the Revolution, Rich.

Richmeister: Mademoiselle No-Head! The Great Stumpkin! The Bloody Stumptress!

Laura: Youíre getting disgusting.

Richmeister: The Mayor of Choppaquiddick! [Laura leaves]

[Death enters the Copy Room]

Richmeister: Death! Makiní copies! The Grim Reapster!

Death: I have come for you.

Richmeister: Roger, from payroll! Know that voice anywhere!

Death: I have come to take you, Richard Laymer. I am Death.

Richmeister: Not Roger! Tragedy befalls the Richman. Hmmm, wonderiní how I die?

Death: Radiation from the copy machine.

Richmeister: Ironic! The Death Man! Takiní me to the great beyond! Calliní in my number! Takiní me to the other side! Harvester of souls! The Soul Man! James Brown, the Hardest Working Man in Death Business! Sheriff Doom of the Tombstone Corral! Uncle Dirt Nap! DeathÖ [Death leaves in disgust]

Submitted by: Johnny Lurg

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