The Dark Side with Nat X
Nat X.....Chris Rock
Announcer: Live, from Compton, California, BET TV - that's Black
Entertainment Television - presents "The Dark Side with Nat X". The only
show on TV written by a brother, produced by a brother, and strictly for
the brothers. Now, get ready for a man who's so black, his shadow
still can't find him. Step back, 'cause here comes Nat!
Nat X: Peace, brothers and sisters. I'm Nat X, and welcome to
"The Dark Side", the only five-minute show on TV! Why only five? Because
that's all the time I've got between the showings of "Malcolm X". Now, a lot
of people think "Malcolm X" might cause riots. I'll tell you what movie's
gonna cause riots - that one where Whitney Houston's hugging up on that
white boy, Kevin Costner! What's the matter, Whitney? You can't get a
black bodyguard? Why don't you go borrow one from Eddie Murphy?! Anyway,
I give "X" two thums up. Why only two? 'Cause that's all the thumbs
the Man would give me! Now, before we bring out my first guest.. [ the
White-Man Cam suddenly comes on, zooming in for a close-up of Nat, and
placing the image of jailbars in front of him ] Hey, stop that! Get that
away! White-Man Cam! You ain't gettin' me! [ White-Man Cam cameraman
walks away ] Boy, I have'nt had that much fun since I did the Wild Thing
with Weezy Jefferson! Now, my first guest tonight is the envy of most men
in America, because he is known to have slept with Janet Jackson. Please
welcome her father - Joe Jackson! [ Joe steps out and stands in front of
Nat's desk ] Sit your "I-Don't-Believe-in-Birth-Control-Ass down!
[ Joe sits down ] Now, Joe, why don't you tell the people why you're
Joe Jackson: I'm here to tell my side of the story against
the miniseries "The Jacksons: The American Dream". Did you watch it, Nat?
Nat X: Yeah, I watched it! I was amazed at your talent!
Joe Jackson: [ intrigued ] Oh? Did you like my guitar playing?
Nat X: No! I'm not talking about your guitar playing! I'm talking
about your left hook! I mean, I saw you smack Jackie so hard, his afro came
Joe Jackson: Look, Nat.. I had some problems back then..
Nat X: Well, your problem must have been your jab.. 'cause
your left hook was workin' fine!
Joe Jackson: Nat! Sometimes the kids brought it upon themselves.
Nat X: Now I can understand smacking LaToya.. but why would you hit
Tito? He never hurt nobody!
Joe Jackson: Nat, I suggest we talk about the show, before I go
upside your head.
Nat X: [ agreeable ] Okay. [ pause ] Now, tell me the truth about
Michael - was it all surgery, or did you smack the black off him?!
Sandman, get him out of here!
[ Sandman rushes toward Joe with the broom to sweep him off the set, but
Joe stands up and smacks Sandman on the nose ]
Joe Jackson: Hey, get up, boy! Get up!
Nat X: Hey, come on, Joe! He's just a clown! Why don't you go
beat up the Sylvers for singing "Boogie Fever"? [ Joe smacks Nat in the
nose, stunning him ] Alright! That's all the time we got! We gotta
get out of here and go see the movie! Come on, let's go see "X"!
[ Nat and his studio audience run off the set ]