Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon

.....Kevin Nealon
.....Adam Sandler

Kevin Nealon: Good evening, I'm Kevin Nealon. Here, now, our top story.

This week President Clinton took his first tour of the White House as President-Elect. On the tour were the historic Lincoln Room, where Abraham Lincoln slept; the Truman Room, where Harry Truman slept; and the Oval Office, where Ronald Reagan slept.

Barbara Bush welcomed Hillary Clinton to the White House this week, greeted her with a warm, motherly embrace, took her into the Executive Mansion, and then gave her a spanking she'll never forget.

After news photographers lured Chelsea Clinton's pet cat, Socks, out of the Governor's Mansion for a photo shoot, President-Elect Clinton angrily ordered them not to do it again. Meanwhile, Socks, who had nothing else to do, decided to kill some time fooling around with Gennifer Flowers' cat, Blondie.

A statistic in U.S.A. Today revealed that 1 out of every 3 smokers try to quit smoking each year. The other 2 quit breathing.

Remember: immediately following tonight's boadcast, there will be another TV show.

The high ratings of the miniseries "The Jacksons" on ABC, and "Sinatra" on CBS, have prompted third-place NBC to announce plans for its own miniseries "The Cowsills".

Kevin Nealon: Tonight, we start what we hope will become a "Weekend Update" tradition. Every Thanksgiving from now on, a different "SNL" performer will compose and sing an original song to commemorate the holidays. We couldn't think of a better person to begin this tradition than our own, Adam Sandler.

Adam Sandler: Oh, thank you.. thank you, Kevin!

Kevin Nealon: Alright, Adam, are you ready?

Adam Sandler: Yes, I am, Kevin. I've worked all week on my song, and I hope you'll be entertained and a little moved.

[ singing ] "Love to eat turkey, love to eat turkey
Love to eat turkey 'cause it's good
Love to eat turkey like a good boy should
Cause it's turkey to eat, so good

A turkey for me, turkey for you,
Let's eat turkey in a big brown shoe.

Love to eat turkey at the table,
I once saw a movie with Betty Grable.
Eat that turkey all night long,
50 million Elvis fans can't be wrong.

Turkey turkey dee, turkey turkey dap,
I eat the turkey and I take a nap

Thanksgiving is a special night
Jimmie Walker used to say "Dynomite"
That's right!

Turkey with the gravy and the cranberry
Can't believe the Mets traded Darryl Strawberry

Turkey for you, turkey for me,
Can't believe Tyson gave the girl V.D.

Gobble gobble dee, gobble gobble dawkie,
I used to go to camp at Lake Winnepesaukee"

Adam Sandler: Come on, Kevin.
Kevin Nealon: No, that's okay.
Adam Sandler: Oh, it'll be fun.
Kevin Nealon: Okay.

"Turkey turkey dee, turkey turkey duffin,
Love to eat turkey with a lot of stuffin'
Turkey for me, turkey for you,
Let's eat turkey in a big brown shoe.

Turkey and sweet potato pie,
Sammy Davis Jr. only had one eye
Turkey with the girls, turkey with the boys,
My favorite kind of pants are corduoroys

Gobble gobble gee, gobble gobble gickle
I wish turkeys could only cost a nickel.

Oh, I love turkey .. on Thanksgivingggggg.."

Adam Sandler: Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

Kevin Nealon: Thank you, Adam. I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me.

SNL Transcripts