Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 18: Episode 12





92l: Luke Perry / Mick Jagger

Sassy's Sassiest Boys

Russell Clark.....Phil Hartman
Christian Slater.....David Spade
Marky Mark.....Adam Sandler
Rick Schroeder.....Luke Perry

Russell Clark: Hello, I'm Russell Clark, Senior Editor of Sassy Magazine! With me in our studio are three of the sassiest young men in America today! Actor Christian Slater --

Christian Slater: Greetings and salutations.

Russell Clark: That's sassy! Rapper Marky Mark --

Marky Mark: Yeah, come on, come on, come on! You know what it's like, yeah!

Russell Clark: Very sassy! And actor Ricky Schroeder.

Rick Schroeder: Rick.

Russell Clark: So sassy! [ laughs ] Now, Christian, do you consider yourself "sassy"?

Christian Slater: I don't know, you tell me.

Russell Clark: I'd say.. sassy! Well, how about you, Marky? Same question: are you "sassy"?

Marky Mark: Yeah, youknow.. come on, come on, that's buggin', yeah!

Russell Clark: Sassy, anyone? [ laughs ] Now, Ricky..

Rick Schroeder: Rick.

Russell Clark: Ricky..

Rick Schroeder: Rick.

Russell Clark: Okay, Rick Are you "sassy"?

Rick Schroeder: Sass.

Russell Clark: The French have a word for it - sassé! [ laughs ] Christian, tell me, please how do you explain your sassiness?

Christian Slater: Well, I always say life is like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride - we're all just hanging on and someday it's gonna crash.

Russell Clark: Somebody say "sassy"? Now, Marky, your brother Donny Wahlburg produces all your albums, so settle a question for us: between you and your brother, who would you say is the more "sassy"?

Marky Mark: Yeah, that is large, man, he's on my jock, buggin' with the three nipples.. Check this out! [ drops his pants and starts dancing ] Come on! Come on!

Russell Clark: The word "sassy" comes to mind. Now, Rick, I thought you were sassy back when I first saw you in "The Champ", and yet, you were only six years old at that time.

Rick Schroeder: [ peeved ] Hey, that was Ricky Schroeder, that was a kid! We're two different people! I'm Rick Schroeder now, I'm a man!

Russell Clark: [ holds up sign that reads "Sassy" ] Okay, Rick, tell us about your show "Silver Spoons". Did you find that a "sassy" experience?

Rick Schroeder: It was okay.

Christian Slater: Ah, that was you in "Silver Spoons"? Hey, quite a performance, I found it riveting!

Rick Schroeder: Hey, I'm not that kid any more! That was Rick-y!

Russell Clark: I feel like I'm in a sassy sandwich!

Rick Schroeder: Who are you talking to, man, come on.

Russell Clark: No one. Never mind.

Marky Mark: Yo, come on, check this out! [ drops his pants and dances ] Come on! Come on! Come on!

Russell Clark: Let's put it to a vote. Audience?

Audience: Sassy!

Russell Clark: [ chuckles ] Well, we're almost out of time. I'd like to thank Rick, Mark and Christian for joining me today, and come back soon.

Rick Schroeder: Oh, thanks for having us..

Christian Slater: We must do this again sometime..

Marky Mark: Yeah, damn!

Russell Clark: If they're not sassy, I don't know what is. Good night!


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