Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 18: Episode 13




92m: Alec Baldwin / Paul McCartney

French Class

French Teacher.....Alec Baldwin
Robert.....Rob Schneider
Melanie.....Melanie Hutsell
Curtis.....Tim Meadows
Chris.....Chris Farley
Brian.....Adam Sandler
Frenchman.....Phil Hartman

[ open on interior, French class filled with bored as students as Teacher ecstatically emphasizes the language ]

French Teacher: Bonjour, classe!

Class: Bonjour..

French Teacher: Bonjour Monsieur Norbek!

Class: [ sullenly ] Bonjour Monsieur Norbek..

French Teacher: Mais oui. Je m'appelle.. Monsieur Norbek! Et vous? Comme es vous appelez-vous?

Robert: Uh..

French Teacher: Repondez: Je m'appelle.. Robert!

Robert: Je m'appelle Robert.

French Teacher: Non. Je m'appelle.. Robert!

Robert: Je m'appelle Robert.

French Teacher: Je m'appelle.. Robert!

Robert: Je m'appelle Robert.

French Teacher: Je m'appelle.. Robert!

Robert: [ mimicking inflection ] Je m'appelle.. Robert!

French Teacher: Oui! [ claps ] El quel jour? Est-il aujourd'hui?

Melanie: [ stands ] I gotta go to the bathroom.

French Teacher: En francais.

Melanie: Uh.. [ thinking ] Je.. gotta go.. uh..

French Teacher: Je voudrais..

Melanie: Je voudrais..

French Teacher: Je voudrais.. aller.. a la salle de bain!

Melanie: [ sullenly ] Aller a la salle de bain..

French Teacher: Alle a la salle de bain!

Melanie: [ mimicking ] Alle a la salle de bain!

French Teacher: Bien! [ claps, as Melanie exits room ] Et quelle huere est-il? Monsieur Curtis? Et quelle huere?

Curtis: Like.. eight..?

French Teacher: En francais!

Curtis: Il est.. huit.. hu-air-es?

French Teacher: Il est huit huere!

Curtis: Il est huit huere!

French Teacher: Il est huit huere!

Curtis: Il est huit huere!

French Teacher: Il est huit huere!

Curtis: [ squeaky ] Il est huit huere!

French Teacher: Bien! En francais: Il est huit huere!

Chris: [ stands ] I gotta make a phone call..

French Teacher: Ah! Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Chris: [ struggling ] I.. uh..

French Teacher: En francais!

Chris: Je.. je.. je..

French Teacher: Je voudrais..

Chris: Je voudrais..

French Teacher: Je voudrais.. telephoner.. beaucoup de filles!

Chris: Je voudrais.. telephoner..

French Teacher: Je voudrais.. telephoner.. beaucoup de filles!

Chris: Je boublais.. enelephoner.. bloop-de-bloop!

French Teacher: Bien! [ claps ]

[ Chris exits room, as Brian tries to sneak in ]

French Teacher: Et ou est la bibliotheque? Monsiur Brian!

Brian: Oh, man, I'm sorry.. I swear, I was at the nurse! I had to sign up for-

French Teacher: Ah! En francais! Je suis alle voir l'infirmiere parce que j'ai pense faire une demande!

Brian: [ rattles off gibberish with a French accent ] Boo-la-la!

French Teacher: Bien! Bien! [ claps ] Classe, repetez, s'il vous plait!

Class: [ rattles off gibberish with a French accent ] Boo-la-la!

[ dissolve to scenes of Paris over SUPER: "Paris, Several Months Later" ]

[ dissolve to French Teacher on vacation, asking for directions from a group of hoodlum locals ]

French Teacher: Pardonnez-moi? Ou est le Musee D'orsay?

Frenchman: Le Musee est dans la rue de St-Honore pres de louvre.

French Teacher: [ correcting inflection ] Ah ah ah ah! Le Musee.. est dans la rue de St-Honore.. pres de louvre!

[ Frenchman gives the nod to his buddy, as the four of them pound French Teacher to a bloody pulp ]

[ SUPER: "Fin" ]

[ fade ]


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