Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 18: Episode 16




92n: Bill Murray / Sting

Eager & Jones

Eager.....Chris Farley
Jones.....Tim Meadows

Announcer: They've entartained audiences for years, and now Pioneer Records is proud to present the song stylings of Eager and Jones. They're not gay, but they sing as if they were! Here them sing!

[ SUPER: "Where Is The Love" ]

Eager: [ singing ]
"Where is the love you said you'd give to me?"

Jones: [ singing ]
"As soon as you were free
was it up to me?"


Together: "Where is the love?"

[ SUPER: "Solid As A Rock" ]

"Solid! Solid as a rock.
That's what this love is
And the feeling's so hot-hot-hot-hot-hot-hot!"


[ SUPER: "Wedding Bell Blues" ]

Bill! I love you so and I always will"

Eager: I look at you and see the passion I'll find someday."

Jones: Oh, but am I ever gonna see my wedding day?"

Together: "Won't you marry me, Bill?"

Announcer: Jerome Eager and Tad Jones: two of the greatest voices in the world, and two of the straightest guys you'd ever want to meet, sing your favorite songs of love as if they were gay. But that's not all, because they also sing solo songs as if they were gay! Including:

[ SUPER: "It Must Be Him" ]

Eager: [ singing ]
"It must be him, it must be him
Oh dear God, it must be him
Or I would die
Yes, I will die"


[ SUPER: "He Touched Me" ]

Jones: [ singing ]
"He touched me!
He touched me!
And nothing, nothing is the same!"


Announcer: And, if you order now, you'll recieve, as an additional bonus, this limited Eager and Jones collection: "Songs As If They Were Really, Really Gay."

Eager: [ singing ]
"Let's get it on!"

Jones: "Oh baby!"

Eager: "Let's get it on!"

Jones: "Let's love, sugar!"

Announcer: Eager and Jones. They're hot, but not for each other! To order, call 1-600-AS-IF-GAY, and get yours today.

Jones: We hope you enjoy our music.

Eager: We know our wives will.

[ SUPER: "Do That To Me One More Time" ]

Together: [ singing ]
"Do that to me one more time
Once is never enough with a man like you!"


[ they lean close as if they're about to kiss, then turn their heads to the camera and smile, shake their heads no, and continue to sing ]


Submitted by: Michael Cauley


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