NCI Long Distance

Consumer #1.....Kevin Nealon
NCI Spokesman.....David Spade
Consumer #2.....Melanie Hutsell
Consumer #3.....Rob Schneider
Consumer #4.....Ellen Cleghorne
Consumer #5.....Phil Hartman

Consumer #1: My Long Distance company gives me a discount when I call my favorite area code. What about my favorite zip code?

[ show logo: "NCI: The new long distance company" ]

NCI Spokesman: NCI will discount your favorite area code, zip code, or any other type of code. We're the leading discounter of codes.

[ Flash: "Code Discounts" ]

Consumer #2: Sometimes, when I call people, they're not there to answer the phone. That bothers me.

NCI Spokesman: With NCI, the person you're calling will always be there to answer the phone. No matter when you call - we guarantee it.

[ Flash: "The NCI Guarantee" ]

Consumer #3: People don't call me as often as I like.

NCI Spokesman: With NCI, you'll get calls all the time - from people who like you and respect you.

[ Flash: "Respect" ]

Consumer #3: What about pretty girls?

NCI Spokesman: Yes!

[ Flash: "Pretty Girls" ]

Consumer #4: How come 123456789 isn't a number? Why can't it be my number?

NCI Spokesman: Consider it done!

[ Flash: "Extra Long Phone Numbers" ]

Consumer #2: Can that be my number, too?

NCI Spokesman: Sure!

[ Flash: "Whatever" ]

Little Girl: I want a pony!

NCI Spokesman: Take a look in your backyard.

[ Flash: "Ponies" ]

Consumer #5: I hate my boss. I want him dead!

NCI Spokesman: That we will not do.

[ Flash: "No Murder" ]

Consumer #5: I want a phone company that will murder my boss.

NCI Spokesman: Fine. If you switch to NCI now - the next time you make a long-distance call, we will murder your boss. And you'll recive one hour of free calls to anywhere in the continental United States.

[ Flash: "Fine, Murder" ]

[ show logo: "NCI: The new long distance company" ]

NCI Spokesman: NCI. We want to be your phone company.

SNL Transcripts