NCI Long Distance Consumer #1.....Kevin Nealon NCI Spokesman.....David Spade Consumer #2.....Melanie Hutsell Consumer #3.....Rob Schneider Consumer #4.....Ellen Cleghorne Consumer #5.....Phil Hartman Consumer #1: My Long Distance company gives me a discount when I call my favorite area code. What about my favorite zip code? [ show logo: "NCI: The new long distance company" ] NCI Spokesman: NCI will discount your favorite area code, zip code, or any other type of code. We're the leading discounter of codes. [ Flash: "Code Discounts" ] Consumer #2: Sometimes, when I call people, they're not there to answer the phone. That bothers me. NCI Spokesman: With NCI, the person you're calling will always be there to answer the phone. No matter when you call - we guarantee it. [ Flash: "The NCI Guarantee" ] Consumer #3: People don't call me as often as I like. NCI Spokesman: With NCI, you'll get calls all the time - from people who like you and respect you. [ Flash: "Respect" ] Consumer #3: What about pretty girls? NCI Spokesman: Yes! [ Flash: "Pretty Girls" ] Consumer #4: How come 123456789 isn't a number? Why can't it be my number? NCI Spokesman: Consider it done! [ Flash: "Extra Long Phone Numbers" ] Consumer #2: Can that be my number, too? NCI Spokesman: Sure! [ Flash: "Whatever" ] Little Girl: I want a pony! NCI Spokesman: Take a look in your backyard. [ Flash: "Ponies" ] Consumer #5: I hate my boss. I want him dead! NCI Spokesman: That we will not do. [ Flash: "No Murder" ] Consumer #5: I want a phone company that will murder my boss. NCI Spokesman: Fine. If you switch to NCI now - the next time you make a long-distance call, we will murder your boss. And you'll recive one hour of free calls to anywhere in the continental United States. [ Flash: "Fine, Murder" ] [ show logo: "NCI: The new long distance company" ] NCI Spokesman: NCI. We want to be your phone company. SNL Transcripts