Office Space

[ open on Milton sitting at his desk in the storeroom, fuming ]

Milton: I.. I told Bill if they move my desk one more time, I'm quitting. I used to be over by the window, and they moved me three times already this year. If they do it one more time, I'm out of here. I used to have my own stapler, too, and then, when I moved back, they made me give back my stapler. And.. but Bill told me I'm supposed to have a stapler, so.. until I'm told different, I'm just gonna take the stapler. And, if they make me give it back, I'll.. I'll just.. I'll set the building on fire. [ picks nose ]

[ Bill appears at the doorway, gripping his coffee cup tightly ]

Bill: Oh, hello, Milton, what's happening? Um.. I'm gonna need you to go ahead and move your desk again. So, uh..

Milton: Well..

Bill: If you could go ahead and just get it as far back into that corner as possible, that'd be terrific..

Milton: But..

Bill: That way, we'll have some more room for some of these boxes and things we need to put in here.

Milton: Well.. okay..

Bill: And, uh.. oh. Here's that stapler I've been looking for. Here..

Milton: Um.. but..

Bill: I'll just go ahead and get that from you. Thanks. [ takes Milton's stapler ]

Milton: Well..

Bill: Okay, so, uh.. if you could go ahead and just get to that as soon as possbile, that'd be terrific.

Milton: Well..

Bill: Alright, thanks a bunch, Milton.

Milton: Okay..

Bill: Buh-bye. [ exits ]

Milton: Well.. but.. well, okay.. but I'm gonna set the building on fire.


SNL Transcripts