Rock For Michael

Frank Gifford.....Phil Hartman
James Taylor.....Kevin Nealon
David Pirner.....David Spade
.....Steven Tyler
The Proclaimers.....Mike Myers, Norm MacDonald
Snoop Doggy Dogg.....Tim Meadows
Dr. Dre.....Ellen Cleghorne
Eddie Vedder.....Adam Sandler
The B-52's.....Rob Schneider, Julia Sweeney, Melanie Hutsell
Meat Loaf.....Chris Farley
.....Joe Perry



Frank Gifford: Good evening, I'm Frank Gifford. The sports world was rocked this week by the surprise retirement of Michael Jordan. In a last ditch effort to get him to change his mind, some of the biggest names in music have come together to record a hastily put together benefit song. Ladies and gentlemen - "Rock For Michael".

[ cut to recording studio, littered with various recording artists ]

James Taylor: [ to "Fire And Rain" ]
"I've seen Magic, and I've seen Bird
I saw Kareem retire, but I never said a word.
But I always thought I'd see you play one more time again."


David Pirner: [ to "Runaway Train" ]
"Runaway Mike, better come back
Got season tickets, can't get my money back.
Don't you know you're so crowd pleasin'
Won't you stick around one more season?"


Steven Tyler: [ to "Dream On" ]
Play on, play one more year
Play for the fans, and play for the cheers.
Play the Sonics, play the Knicks, too
Even the Celtics
We'll still root for you!"

The Proclaimers: [ to "500 Miles (I'm Gonna Be)" ]
"I've seen you score
500 points
I want to see you score
500 more.
Just to be the man
Who could say he saw a man
Score 1,000 points
On the basketball floor.
Michael Jordan!
Michael Jordan!
Michael Jordan!
Michael Jordan!
Michael, hey!
Michael, ho!
Michael Jordan!"


Snoop Doggy Dogg: [ to "Who Am I? (What's My Name?)" ]
"Bow-wow-wow!
Yippie-yo, Yippie-yay!
Keep Jordan in the mother [ bleep ] house!"


Dr. Dre:
"Michael Jordan
Where you think you're goin'?
With your tongue hangin' out
And your bald head showin'!"


Snoop Doggy Dogg:
Don't you know
You're in a higher class?
So come on back
Before I pimp-slap your [ bleep ]!"

Eddie Vedder: [ to "Even Flow" ]
Even.. please don't quit yet!
Even.. you're the best dribbler!
Even.. who's Pippen gonna pass to?
Even.. golf is so boring, oh, yeah!"

Steven Tyler: [ to "Dream On" ]
Play on, play one more year
Play against Isiah, play against Laimbeer.
Take the basketball ,throw it through the hoop
Do a 360
And slam an alley-oop!"

The B-52's: [ to "Love Shack" ]
"If you stop playing, you'll get as big as a whale!
Everybody's playing
Everybody's staying, baby!
Michael! Don't forget your endorsement money!
Everybody's playing
Everybody's staying, baby!"


Meat Loaf: [ to "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" ]
"Michael, sleep on it!
Michael, baby, won't you sleep on it?
Won't you sleep on it?
Give us an answer in the morning!"


Eddie Vedder:
"I gotta know right now!

Meat Loaf:
"Let him sleep on it!
Michael, baby, won't you sleep on it?
Won't you sleep on it?
Give us an answer in the morning!"


All: [ to "Dream On" ]
"Play on, play one more year
Bulls can't win without you
It's very, very clear.
Play on!
Play on..!"


Steve Tyler:
"..Play on, Michael!
Michael, we want you to keep playing, and.."


Steven Tyler & Joe Perry: "Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!"


SNL Transcripts