Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 19: Episode 9

93i: Sally Field / Tony! Toni! Tone!

Billable Hours

(all voices by Mike Judge)

Milton: (on the phone) And then I filled out another time sheet for overtime and I never received a check. And then --

Receptionist: Excuse me, sir? I'm gonna transfer you to accounts payable, okay?

Milton: Um -- w-w-well -- n-n-no -- well, but -- I'm gonna -- okay --

(Ray enters the room)

Ray: Hey Milton, can I borrow your Thomas Register for a minute?

Milton: W-well ... I loaned it to Bill last week and he never brought it back. And ... and then I needed it for the AIUDCP project and I had to go get it.

Ray: Where is it, down here? (He sees a book on the shelf with the name "Thomas Register")

Milton: So ... I would prefer not to loan it out.

Ray: Oh. Here it is. Thanks. (He takes it off the shelf and walks out the door with it)

Milton: W-well ... okay, but ... if you don't bring it back, I'll tell Bill it was stolen. A-and I could have you fired. W-well ... I mean ... I'm gonna put strychnine in the coffee. (picks nose)

(Bill Lumbergh and Ray are overheard from within the building, but not seen)

Bill: Oh, uh, Ray?

Ray: Yeah?

Bill: Are you using Milton for anything right now?

Ray: Uh, nope. He's all yours.

Bill: Great. Thanks. Oh, and uh, do you think that (whispers something)

Ray: Uh huh. (they exchange whispers)

Bill: Uh huh. Yeah, yes, I know. Okay, thanks a bunch.

Ray: All right, see ya.

Bill: Buh-bye. (enters Milton's office) Oh. Hello Milton. What's happening? Um ...

Milton: W-w-well, I was told that I could receive overtime on the AIUDCP project and ...

Bill: (inhales through teeth) Ooooh, that's gonna be kinda tight on the overtime ...

Milton: B-but I was told that they --

Bill: (inhales through teeth) Yeaah, we're really short on billable hours.

Milton: Well --

Bill: (looks at watch) In fact, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and take the rest of the day off.

Milton: Mm -- but --

Bill: So ah, if you could just go ahead and clock out as soon as possible, that would be terrific. M'kay?

Milton: Well ... okay, but ...

Bill: Oh, and ah, if you could just kinda go over those AIUDCP files at home tonight, that would be great. M'kay?

Milton: Well --

Bill: Thanks a bunch, Milton. Buh-bye. (walks away)

Milton: Mm -- but -- well -- okay, but -- I could have you killed. (picks nose)

(Theme music resumes. Cut to sign: "TO BE CONTINUED")

Submitted by: The G Man

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