Sally Field's Monologue

.....Sally Field
Burt Reynolds.....Phil Hartman
.....Chris Farley

Sally Field: Thank you! Thank you very, very much! It's wonderful to be here, it's been a great year for me. I'm in a big hit movie - "Mrs. Doubtfire".. and here I am hosting the Christmas show of "Saturday Night Live".

Now, when they asked me to host the show, I have to admit I was a little relunctant. As you know, this show loves to get its host up here and make fun of the things they've done a long time ago. Now, the first thing I did was lay down some ground rules. To start with, there's "The Flying Nun", well.. it was a great show. [ show fans in audience dressed as nuns ] I had a lot of fun doing it, but I told them I didn't want to do any sketches tonight about "The Flying Nun". [ fans dressed as nuns scowl, stand up, and leave studio disappointed ]

Also, although I enjoyed doing "Gidget", uh. and it was a great show and a great experience.. [ show fans in audience dressed in beachwear ] Yes, it certainly did launch my career.. I'm not going to do any sketches tonight about "Gidget". [ fans dressed in beachwear scowl, stand up, and leave studio disappointed, revealing Chris Farley alone in the audience ]

And, of course, "Smokey & The Bandit" was a great film - a groundbreaking film. Lord knows without it there couldn't have been a "Cannonball Run". But there will be no sketches tonight about "Smokey & The Bandit". [ show Burt Reynolds in the audience. He stands up, prepared to leave, but changes his mind and stays instead ]
I told them, "If you want to make fun of something, make fun of 'Cybil'." It was a movie I did where I play a girl with 16 separate personalities. For soem reason, I'm always happy to make fun of crazy people! [ Burt stands up again, and leaves for good this time, Chris Farley now completely alone in the audience ] Well.. at least there's one person left. Why didn't you leave like everyone else?

Chris Farley: [ stands ] Because I like you. I really, really like you!

Sally Field: He likes me! He really, really likes me! That's good enough for me! We have a great show - Tony! Toni! Tone! is here. Stick around, we'll be right back! Burt, I was just kidding!

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