White Diamonds Perfume

Von Rye.....Phil Hartman
Card Player.....Mike Myers
Elizabeth Taylor.....Sally Field



Announcer: Elizabeth Taylor.. for White Diamonds.

[ open on Von Rye challenging a Card Player at the table ]

Von Rye: ..And I raise you.

Card Player: I.. am afraid I'm a little short.

Von Rye: [ sinister laugh ]

[ Elizabeth Taylor enters the room ]

Elizabeth Taylor: Not so fast, von Rye.

Von Rye: [ stunned ] Elizabeth Taylor! It's you!

Elizabeth Taylor: [ out of focus ] It's been a long time.

Von Rye: I can't believe it. You haven't changed in twenty years!

Elizabeth Taylor: [ out of focus ] You flatter me!

Von Rye: You're a vision! Those clear, violet eyes.. those cheekbones.. My God, but you're lovely!

Elizabeth Taylor: [ out of focus ] These.. have always brought me luck! [ holds up a diamond earring ]

Von Rye: It's flawless.

Elizabeth Taylor: [ out of focus ] Yes. Three carats.

Von Rye: No. I meant your skin. Are you some kind of sorceress? Have you discovered some new fountain of youth?!

Elizabeth Taylor: [ out of focus, laughs ]

[ dissolve to product on table ]

Announcer: White Diamonds. The intriguing new fragrance from Elizabeth Taylor.

[ out of focus Elizabeth stands behind product ]

Elizabeth Taylor: There's nothing in the word.. as timeless.. as.. [ breathy ] White Diamonds.


SNL Transcripts