Sexy Cakes

Baker.....Patrick Stewart
Young Man.....Rob Schneider
Gay Guy 1.....Tim Meadows
Gay Guy 2.....David Spade
Woman.....Julia Sweeney



[ young Man enters Sexy Cakes bakery ]

Baker: Hi! Welcome to Sexy Cakes, the erotic bakery.

Young Man: I walk by this place, I never thought I'd go inside it.

Baker: Well, I think you'll find that it's a little more fun than an ordinary bakery.

Young Man: Yeah, my friend's having a bachelor party, and I thought it might be kind of fun if I got him an erotic cake.

Baker: Well, you have come to the right place. I have the perfect sexy cake for a bachelor party. [ opens box ] Oh, what about this one. What do you think?

Young Man: Looks like a woman going to the bathroom.

Baker: Yeah! It's very sexy!

Young Man: What else do you have?

Baker: Oh, I understand.. it's not, perhaps, your cup of tea. Perhaps, maybe this sexy cake might be more up your alley. [ opens box ]

Young Man: This is the exact same cake.

Baker: No, no, no.. this is chocolate.

Young Man: Yeah, but it's still a woman going to the bathroom.

Baker: Exactly! [ customers walk in ] Oh.. could you excuse me for a moment?

Gay Guy 1: Hi, we're here to pick up our cake.

Gay Guy 2: [ sighs ] Yes, the man-on-man lemon meringue.

Baker: Right. [ retrieves cake ] I took a little artistic license with this one, but, well, I think you'll enjoy the results.

Gay Guy 1: Hey, this is a woman going to the bathroom.

Baker: Yeah, it's very exciting, isn't it? That'll be $15.

Gay Guy 1: We wanted a cake of two guys having sex.

Baker: Yeah, I know.. I guess you could say I sexied it up for you! No extra charge.

Gay Guy 2: [ whispering to his buddy ] The party's tonight.. [ to Baker ] We'll take it.

Baker: Thank you! [ customers leave, returns to Young Man ] Uh, you'll have to excuse me, it has been like this all day.

Young Man: What other types of cakes do you have?

Baker: Well, why don't we take a look at our catalogue.. [ opens catalogue ] Now, you see this, it shows every sexy, titilating cake we offer. Oh, now here's a woman squatting behind some bushes - the leaves are made of spun sugar. And.. [ laughs ] ..here's a lady using a little mazipan port-o-potty.

Young Man: So, all your cakes are women going to the bathroom?

Baker: Yeah. What's your point?

Young Man: Well, don't you have anything else?

Baker: Maybe you don't understand - this is an erotic bakery.

Young Man: I'm sorry, I just don't find this very erotic.

Baker: A woman gonig to the bathroom, you don't find it erotic?

Young Man: No, not really.

Baker: Well, then, what, pray tell, would you suggest we do put on our erotic cakes?

Young Man: I don't know.. people having sex.. female and male genitalia.. you know, something like that.

Baker: Well, if that's what you're after, I suggest you try Hostess or Sara Lee!

Young Man: Can't you just make a cake with a couple on it having sex?

Baker: Alright, look, I'll tell you what I'll do.. I will make a cake with a woman and a man going to the bathroom. And, that way, you'll be happy, and your friends will be happy.

Young Man: I don't think my friends would like that, either.

Baker: Well, I would certainly like to meet these friends of yours sometime.

Young Man: Look, could we just have a cake with sex and no going to the bathroom?

Baker: May I remind you that you are going to have to eat this cake?

Young Man: I'll tell you what - just give me a regular cake with nothing on it.

Baker: [ closes catalogue abruptly ] I'm sorry. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Young Man: Why?

Baker: This is some kind of joke, isn't it? Who put you up to this, a fraternity?! You get out! Go on, get out of here, young man!

[ Young Man runs out of the bakery ]

[ Woman enters bakery ]

Woman: Hi. Um.. it's my fiance's birthday.. um, can I get a cake shaped like a woman going to the bathroom?

Baker: Ab-so-lutely! [ winks at camera ]

[ fade out ]


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