93s: John Goodman / The Pretenders

Michael Bolton: In His Own Words

Michael Bolton.....Kevin Nealon
Nat King Cole.....Tim Meadows



[open on Michael Bolton sitting on stool on a stage]

Announcer: Candlelight Records is proud to present...

Michael Bolton: [to the tune of "My Girl"]
"I've got sunshine on a cloudy day.
Oh, when it's cold outside
I've got the month of May.."

Announcer: The master of romantic songwriting...

Michael Bolton:
"I'll.. bet.. you'll.. say
What could make me feel this way?"

Announcer: Michael Bolton sings...

Michael Bolton:
"My girlfriend
My girlfriend
I'm talking about my girlfriend
My girlfriend."

[dissolve to CD cover with image of Michael Bolton: "In His Own Words--The Original Songs of Michael Bolton", and title below CD cover: "20 Original Michael Bolton Songs"]

Announcer: "In His Own Words--The Original Songs of Michael Bolton," twenty original Michael Bolton songs, not just performed by Michael Bolton, but written by Michael Bolton himself, with no help from anyone else. Songs so unique and personal, they could only have been written by Michael Bolton.

[dissolve to Michael Bolton on stage with title: "Respectt," and smaller title below: "Copywright 1994 Michael Bolton"]

Michael Bolton: [to the tune of "Respect"]
"R-E-S-P-E-C-T-T
Find out what it means to me me
R-E-S-P-E-C-T-T
Find out what it means to me
Respect-t, just a little bit
Respect-t.."

Announcer: Including, "I Heard it Through the Bushes."

[title: "I Heard it Through the Bushes," and smaller title below: "Copywright 1994 Michael Bolton"]

Michael Bolton: [to the tune of "I Heard it Through the Grapevine"]
"You should have told me yourself
That you found somebody else
Instead I heard it through the bushes."

Announcer: And much, much more. All with that unique Michael Bolton songwriting touch that says, "This song was written by Michael Bolton."

[title: "E-F-G," and smaller title below: "Copywright 1994 Michael Bolton"]

Michael Bolton: [to the tune of "A-B-C"]
"E-F-G
Oh, it's easy as 1-2-3
Oh baby, come dance with me
E-F-G
1-2-3
Baby, you and me."

Announcer: And Michael's classic duet with his father, Nat King Cole.

[title: "Inforgettable," and smaller title below: "Copywright 1994 Michael Bolton"]

[black-and-white inset of Nat King Cole appears]

Michael Bolton and Nat King Cole: [to the tune of "Unforgettable"]
"Inforgettable
In every way
Inforgettable
That's what they say."

[dissolve to previous CD cover]

Announcer: Act now, and you'll get the Michael Bolton album that changed music as we know it: [CD cover appears, with psychedelic band, covering previous cover] "Sgt. Michael Bolton's Lonely Hearts Club Band." Call 1-600-BOLTON-WROTE-IT8. [title with phone number] Operators are standing by. Every minute you waste, Michael is writing new songs. He can't stop.

[dissolve to Michael Bolton sitting with a keyboard]

Michael Bolton: I'm Michael Bolton. I can prove I wrote every one of these songs. How? Because I never listened to any other music in my life, and I hope you won't either. [winks] [picks out "Happy Birthday" on keyboard and nods approvingly]

[title and voice over by announcer: "All proceeds go to the Michael Bolton Defense Fund"]


Thanks to DavidK93 for this transcript!


SNL Transcripts