Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 20: Episode 1







94a: Steve Martin / Eric Clapton

hht Home Headache Test

Wife.....Janene Garafalo
Husband.....Kevin Nealon
Spokesman.....Michael McKean

[ open on couple standing before the camera ]

Wife: I've got this pain in my forehead that goes all the way to the base of my neck! It feels like I have a headache - but now can I be sure.

Husband: I feel fine. But what if I have a really bad headache - and don't know it?

[ cut to Spokesman ]

Spokesman: When you're wondering if you have a headache, you want an answer, and you want it fast! That's why Leland-Meyers has developed.. HHt - the first At-Home Headache Test available in the United States. To use the home headache test, simply draw a moderate amount of blood. Place it in the centerfuge. Put a drop on the tester strip. And wait two hours. If the spot turns blue, you have a headache. If the spot turns green, you don't. If the spot turns purple, results are inconclusive; try again, with a larger blood sample. Convenient.. safe, if properly performed.. and up to 80% accurate.

[ cut to Wife clutching her head in pain ]

Wife: Oh, God.. I'm in agony..!

Husband: [ holding results strip ] Honey, you don't have a headache.

Wife: Oh, thank God!

Husband: [ looks at second strip ] Neither do I!

[ they giggle happily ]

Spokesman: The Home Headache Test. From Leland-Meyers Because, what's worse - having a bad headache? Or not knowing you have a headache?


SNL Transcripts