Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 20: Episode 1







94a: Steve Martin / Eric Clapton

Nut-rific

Dan Sinaki.....Kevin Nealon
Bruce Riley.....Chris Elliot
Lead Jingler.....Michael McKean
Back-up Jinglers.....Ellen Cleghorne, Jay Mohr, Janene Garafalo
Warner.....Mike Myers
Executive #1.....Steve Martin
Executive #2.....Chris Farley
Executive #3.....Laura Kightlinger
Jingle Writer.....Tim Meadows

[ open on Nut-rific board meeting ]

Dan Sinaki: Well.. as everyone knows, the Nut-rific candy bar has one key selling point. And that, of course, is.. nuts!

[ everyone shares a hearty laugh at the joke ]

Bruce Riley: Exactly! And we're talking major nuts! When people think Nut-rific.. they have to think "That's the candy bar with more nuts." Remember that, as you listen to your new Nut-rific theme.

[ everyone looks toward the Jingle singers standing against the wall ]

Lead Jingler: 1, 2, 3, 4..

Back-up Jinglers:
"Nut-rific!
Nut-rific.. Nut-rific, Nut-rific!"


Lead Jingler: It's nut-very good!

[ jingle ends ]

Dan Sinaki: Yes! Very nice! Very nice.

Bruce Riley: Wonderful! Now, we're going to do the song all the way through the commercial, pretty much just like that, but with kind of a doo-wop cha-cha-cha!

Dan Sinaki: That's right! That's right - and we'll film it at a high school, with all these giant, dancing nuts. You know?

Warner: Excuse me?

Bruce Riley: Yes.

Warner: I'm sorry, but, uh.. why does the jingle say that our candy bar is bad?

Dan Sinaki: [ confused ] Come again?

Executive #1: You seem to be saying that Nut-rific doesn't taste good.

Bruce Riley: Ah.. and who exactly is saying that?

Executive #1: Well.. you are. The jingle says "Nut-rific is not very good."

Bruce Riley: Wha..? Oh!

[ Bruce and Dan laugh at the comic misunderstanding ]

Dan Sinaki: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no! No! No. It's.. nut-very good. It's.. nut..-very good.

[ they continue to laugh ]

Bruce Riley: It's like it's.. nut-tastic! Or, or.. nut-licious! But this is "It's nut-very good.

Executive #1: But won't our customers misinterpret that?

[ silence in the room, as everyone considers this newfound information ]

Executive #2: I mean.. they'll think, "Nut-rific is bad? Well.. I don't want to eat that, I'll have this candy bar over here..

Bruce Riley: Okay, look, I see, uh.. that there's a problem here, so, uh.. why don't we call this to a halt here, and we'll reconvene in about a week's time. Uh.. at which point, we'll have rewritten the jingle, so as to make it, uh.. very clear that, uh.. Nut-rific is indeed a very good candy bar. Agreed? Good.

[ dissolve to exterior view of office building, with SUPER: "One Week Later"; dissolve to interior meeting room ]

Warner: Well, alright. Let's bring out Bruce and Dan.

[ Bruce and Dan re-enter the conference room ]

Bruce Riley: Okay, thank you, uh.. folks, with your suggestions in mind, I think we've worked out the little kinks in our jingle here. So.. without any further ado, your new and improved Nut-rific theme!

[ everyone looks toward the Jingle singers standing against the wall ]

Lead Jingler: 1, 2, 3, 4..

Back-up Jinglers:
"Nut-rific!
Nut-rific.. Nut-rific, Nut-rific!"


Lead Jingler: It does nut taste good!

[ jingle ends ]

[ Dan and Bruce applaud their newest efforts ]

Dan Sinaki: Okay! Comments?

Executive #1: Yeah. Well, that's even worse than before!

Bruce Riley: [ thinking ] Uhhh.. no. Better! You mean it's better that before?

Executive #1: No! Worse before! It sounds like "It does not taste good!"

Warner: Exactly.

Bruce Riley: [ sighs heavily ] O-kay.. uhhhh, look. I have been writing commercial jingles for quite some time now.. There are those who would suggest I'm rather good at that job! Hence, the 1992 Mercury Sabre parked outside!

Dan Sinaki: [ trying to calm Bruce down ] Alright, alright, alright..

Bruce Riley: I have made some money in this business..!

Dan Sinaki: Let me set the scene. Alright? Please. [ setting up the scene ] It's Prom Night.. at the All-Nut high school. And all the nut kids, they're trading high fives, they're saying, "It does nut taste good!" "It does nut taste good!"

Lead Jingler: "It does nut taste good."

Back-up Jinglers:
"Nut-rific!
Nut-rific.. Nut-rific, Nut-rific!"


Warner: Okay! Okay! Thank you. But.. Nut-rific tastes very good.

Executive #1: You're telling people that it doesn't!

Bruce Riley: Okay, I think I've heard enough - these people do not want to sell candy bars..

Dan Sinaki: Bruce, Bruce.. wait! Will you excuse us?

Bruce Riley: I cannot work with these morons!

Dan Sinaki: Bruce, calm down.. [ pulls Bruce off to the side ]

Bruce Riley: [ screaming ] I will NOT calm down!! If they want to write their OWN jingle, then I'd like to see them TRY!!

Back-up Jinglers:
"Nut-rific!
Nut-rific.. Nut-rific, Nut-rific!"


Dan Sinaki: Uh.. Bruce and I talked about it, and.. we're gonna have another crack at this.

Bruce Riley: [ sarcastic ] Yeah.. we're just gonna go back and fix what ain't broke!

Dan Sinaki: [ laughing ] Maybe the third time will be the charm!

[ dissolve to exterior view of office building, with SUPER: "One Week Later"; dissolve to interior meeting room ]

Dan Sinaki: Without further ado.. your new, new.. Nut-rific theme.

[ everyone looks toward the Jingle singers standing against the wall ]

Back-up Jinglers:
"Outragrous
Nut-tastic! More nuts, more nu-uts!


Lead Jingler: It's just got more nuts!

[ jingle ends ]

Executive #2: [ pleased ] Yes!

Warner: Thank you very much! That's exactly what we've been talking about!

Dan Sinaki: Whoa, whoa, whoa.. I-I'm sorry, this is a little embarrassing, but that-that.. that was something we were working on for the Creedmore Psychiatric Institute.

Bruce Riley: Yes. You, uh.. you weren't supposed to hear that one..

Dan Sinaki: No, no.. This is your jingle..

[ everyone looks toward the Jingle singers standing against the wall ]

Lead Jingler: 1, 2, 3, 4..

Back-up Jinglers:
"Nut-rific!
Nut-rific.. Nut-rific, Nut-rific!"


Lead Jingler: It's not something you'd want to put in your mouth!

[ jingle ends ]

Executive #1: Okay, that's it, we've heard enough! I mean, this isn't working out here!

Bruce Riley: Oh, well that's just great!

Dan Sinaki: Hey, listen, we have met you more than halfway!

Bruce Riley: Need I remind you it was not our idea to rewrite the jingle in the first place!

Executive #1: Enough!! Out! Out! Out!

[ dissolve to exterior view of office building, with SUPER: "One Week Later"; dissolve to interior meeting room ]

Jingle Writer: So, once again, on behalf of our entire agency, I apologize for Bruce and Dans' incompetence. And, from now on, I'll be handling your campaign personally. and I think you're gonna love what I've done with the Nut-rific theme.

[ everyone looks toward the Jingle singers standing against the wall ]

Lead Jingler: 1, 2, 3, 4..

Back-up Jinglers:
"Nut-rific!
Nut-rific.. Nut-rific, Nut-rific!"


Lead Jingler: The candy that's made by Nutzis!

Jinglers: Nut-rific!!

[ jingle ends ]

[ the executives are quiet for a moment, then begin to nod their heads and clap their approval for the new jingle.. as the scene zooms out to fade ]


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