Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 20: Episode 2

94b: Marisa Tomei / Bonnie Raitt

Framington High Fall Mixer

Boy.....Adam Sandler
Girl.....Marisa Tomei
Black Guy.....Tim Meadows

[ open on interior, Framington High gymnasium during their Fall Mixer ]

[ Background Music: "Freebird", Lynyrd Skynyrd ]

[ the crowds open up to reveal a high school couple slow dancing in a circular motion. Each one speaks as they make the spin to face the camera ]

Boy: I'm really glad we're dancing together.

Girl: Me, too, you're a good dancer.

Boy: It's fun to dance.

Girl: Uh-huh. Can't beat dancing.

Boy: Dancing is good and fun.

Girl: I was just about to say that.

Boy: Is it okay if I put my hands here? [ lowers his hands to Girl's butt ]

Girl: O-kay..

Boy: Is it okay if I move them around?

Girl: Uhh.. no.

Boy: Your hair smells nice, what do you wash it with?

Girl: Well.. I wash it with Herbal Essence shampoo.. and then I put Sassoon conditioner on, for exactly fifteen minutes.. and then, before I rinse it out, I squoosh it in real good to the hair shaft.. and then, you-

Boy: [ quickly spins around so he can face the camera, cutting off Girl's response ] O-o-okay.. Herbal Essence, and then the other one. I got it, thank you.

Girl: [ looks across the room with a disgusted look on her face ] Oh, gro-oss. That guy's staring at me.

Boy: [ looking, assuming the role of a tough guy ] That little guy with the beard? I'll beat his ass!

Girl: No, the big Puerto Rican guy next to him.

Boy: [ secretly scared ] I don't think he's staring at you. [ glances at the Puerto Rican guy ] Hola!

Girl: My parents are out at some play tonight. You wanna.. come over and hang out?

Boy: [ excited ] Yes!

Girl: Oh! What was that?

Boy: Sorry, uh.. that happens sometimes when I dance..

Girl: Well, can you make it not happen?

Boy: Yeah. Start talking about your shampoos again.

Girl: You know.. I heard there's a guy in the Senior class.. who still sleeps in his Battlestar Galactica pajamas.

Boy: [ eyes shifting back and forth nervously ]

Girl: Turns out the lacrosse team found out who it was, and they're coming over to beat the crap out of him.

Boy: [ puts a fake moustache over his lip ] Really? I hope they find the guy.

[ Black Guy enters scene ]

Black Guy: Excuse me, you mind if I cut in?

Boy: Not at all.

[ Boy and Girl seperate; the Black Guy begins to dance with the Boy, as the Girl steps aside and pouts to herself ]

Black Guy: I like your moustache.

Boy: Thanks.

Black Guy: Is it okay if I put my hands down here? [ puts his hands on Boy's butt ]

Boy: Okayy..

Black Guy: Is it okay if I move them around?

[ fade ]

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