Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 20: Episode 6




94f: John Turturro / Tom Petty

Dr. Ira Resnick II

Dr. Ira Resnick.....John Turturro
Gloria.....Janeane Garofalo

FADE IN:

[ PHOTO OF A GLUM JOSH LEVINE (CHRIS ELLIOTT) SMILING CONFIDENT ]

Narrator (V/O): Dr. Josh Levine talks a lot about sterilizing instruments. Dr. Josh Levine says he cares. Then tell us, "Dr. Josh", why your waiting room is filled with six-month-old U.S. NEWS & WORLD REPORTS? And TELL US "Dr. Josh" --

[ PHOTO OF AN ELDERLY RECEPTIONIST. ]

Narrator (V/O): Why your receptionist is over 63-years-old? And finally, "Dr. Josh" --

[ PHOTO OF A DENTAL DRILL OPERATING ON A NERVE IN THE MOUTH. ]

Narrator (V/O): Why you don't use Novocaine?

[ SOUND EFFECT OF A DRILL OPERATING. ]

Narrator (V/O): Come on, Dr. Josh! Don't you think your patients deserve better?

[ SOUND EFFECT OF A WOMAN SCREAMING OVER AND OVER. ]

INT. DENTIST OFFICE - DAY

[ Dr. Ira Resnick stands next to his dental hygienist GLORIA. ]

Dr. Resnick: Hello! Dr. Ira Resnick here -- telling Bronxville about my newly decorated waiting room with the newest magazines and a fish tank with REAL tropical fish and a 23-year-old hygienist. Isn't that right, Gloria?

Gloria: That's right, Dr. Resnick!

Dr. Resnick: Why do I do it? The same reason I use Novocaine -- for you!!

[ Dr. Resnick points at the camera. ]

[ SUPER: DR. IRA RESNICK. HE USES NOVOCAINE. ]

Narrator (V/O): Dr. Ira Resnick. He uses Novocaine.

Dr. Resnick: And remember -- I won't feel you up when you're unconscious!

[ SUPER: AND HE WON'T FEEL YOU UP WHEN YOU'RE UNCONSCIOUS. ]

Narrator (V/O): And he won't feel you up when you're unconscious.


Submitted by: Cody Downs


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