December 10th, 1994
Beastie Boys, "Sure Shot"
A Statement By Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders
Dr. Joycelyn Elders (Ellen Cleghorne) delivers pro-masturbation speech.
Alec Baldwin's Monologue
Baldwin and Canteen Boy (Adam Sandler) promote awareness.
: Canteen Boy.
Cop (Kevin Nealon) tries to explain to suburban family that Santa Claus isn't real.
L.A. Breast & Penis
Plastic surgeons (Baldwin, Chris Elliot, Janene Garafalo) save train wreck victims.
Japanese Game Show
Larry Templeton (Chris Farley) is an unexpected and confused contestant.
Beastie Boys perform "Sure Shot"
Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald
Mangled body of gunshot victim causes a cavalcade of vomit in New York.
The Young & The Youthful
Wealthy Pierce (Baldwin) vs. mentally-challenged brother Petey (Baldwin).
Family Road Trip
Parents (Michael McKean, Janene Garafalo) battle kids during car ride.
Beastie Boys perform "Ricky's Theme" & "Heart Attack Man"
The Exotic Dancer
Bride-to-be (Janene Garafalo) is scarred by unsexy exotic dancer (Chris Elliot).
Celebrity Memorial Auction
Auctioneers (Baldwin, Chris Elliot) have stolen celebrity items on the block.
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
What makes a jellyfish beautiful.