High Stakes Japanese Game Show

Emcee.....Mike Myers
Model.....Laura Kightlinger
Male Contestant.....Alec Baldwin
Female Contestant.....Janene Garofalo
Larry Templeton.....Chris Farley



Emcee: [ opens game show, speaking in Japanese ]

Model: [ banters with Emcee in Japanese ]

Emcee: [ introduces Male Contestant ]

Male Contestant: [ responds ]

Emcee: [ introduces Female Contestant, blows her a kiss ]

Female Contestant: [ responds, waves ]

Emcee: [ in his best English ] Mil-wau-kee.. Wis-con-sin.. Rarry Temperton.

Larry Templeton: [ confused ] I-I-I'm.. sorry.. I don't speak Japanese.

Emcee: Larry-san! [ rambles Japanese too quick for Larry to interpret ]

Larry Templeton: I-I don't understand.. There's been a little mistake..

Emcee: [ continues further, telling a joke in Japanese and laughing ]

Larry Templeton: [ laughing politely ] You see, my wife Mary and I are here on vacation.. It's a lovely country, everyone's been great. Anyhoo, the concierge at the hotel said, "Do you wanna go to a game show?" Well..

Emcee: [ interrupts, confusing Larry fufther ]

Larry Templeton: See, I thought she meant see a game show, not be on a game show! Big mistake! Big.. mistake!

Emcee: [ reads question in Japanese ] Nana ju, hiaku, hochi juhotchi? Akira-san?

Male Contestant: Nana ju?

[ buzzer sounds ]

Emcee: Shasira-san?

Female Contestant: Hiaku?

[ buzzer sounds ]

Emcee: Larry-san?

Larry Templeton: Me? I don't know.. I'm sorry.. Does anybody here speak English? Do you guys speak English? I..

Emcee: Larry-san: nana ju, hiaku, hochi juhotchi.

Larry Templeton: Could I pass? You know what, I pass! Uh..

Emcee: Nana ju, hiaku, hochi.. juhotchi.

Larry Templeton: H-hochi.. ju-hotchi..?

[ Larry wins Y50,000, Emcee cheers ]

Larry Templeton: [ pleased and surprised ] Really! Alright! Well! Hanuka! Hanuka! [ laughs ]

Emcee: [ reads next question ] Kagamoosha, dokie dokie, ka, Godzilla. Tick-tock tick-tock..

Larry Templeton: I-I-I'm sorry.. kas-mooch?

Emcee: Kagamoosha, dokie dokie, ka, Godzilla.

Larry Templeton: Ah. [ writes his answer ]

[ timer goes off ]

Emcee: Akira-san!

Male Contestant: Kagamoosha!

[ his answer wrong, Male Contestant places his hand on a napkin and slices it off with a knife ]

Larry Templeton: [ disturbed ] OH, MY GOD!! DO YOU SEE THAT?!!

[ Emcee laughs, moves on to Female Contestant ]

Emcee: Shasira-san!

Female Contestant: Kagamoosha?

[ her answer wrong, Female Contestant complies with game show rules and slices her hand off as well ]

Larry Templeton: GOOD LORD!! In the name of all that's sacred!!

Emcee: Larry-san? [ reaches for answer ]

Larry Templeton: [ pulls answer away, shaking ] You know what? I shouldn't be here..!

Emcee: Larry-san! [ grabs answer and pulls it from Larry, reading it ] Godzilla? Godzilla.

[ buzzer sounds; Larry's answer is correct, he wins Y200,000 ]

Larry Templeton: Really! That was great, thank you very much! 200,000 Yen! how much is that in dollars? [ laughs ]

[ Larry is led to the Bonus Round, which consists of an electrical device that is attached via jumper cables to Larry's pants ]

Larry Templeton: Hey, excuse me, I won. What the heck are you doing here? Just a second here.. [ Emcee laughs ] MOTHER OF MERCY, I DON'T SPEAK JAPANESE!! [ Emcee prepares to ask question ] MARY, CALL THE AMERICAN EMBASSY!! [ Emcee asks question ] I DON'T KNOW!!! [ Emcee prepares to pull electrical switch ] NO, WAIT!! WAIT!! I know it, I know it!! [ nervous ] Uh.. Kwa-.. ki-.. sur-.. pi-.. ne-.. ku..?

Emcee: Kwakisurpineku?

Larry Templeton: [ confident ] Yes! Kwakisurpineku! [ laughs ]

Emcee: Hunji! Does it count!

[ judges shake heads no ]

Larry Templeton: [ elated ] Kwakisurpineku! Kwakisurpineku!

[ gong sounds ]

Emcee: Ohhhh.. Kwa-ki-sur-pi-pi-ku! [ pulls electrical switch, shocking Larry ]

Larry Templeton: AAAAUUUUGGGHHHHHH!!!!

[ Emcee and Model wave goodbye as game show ends ]


SNL Transcripts