Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 20: Episode 10

94j: Jeff Daniels / Luscious Jackson

Film Beat

Ted Davis.....Chris Elliot
.....Jeff Daniels
Mark's Voice.....Michael McKean

Caption: FILM BEAT

[Opens with Ted and Jeff sitting in directors chairs with a TV screen behind them. Two rows of black and white pictures of Jeff Daniels performances from his movies are on the set]

Ted Davis: Hi and welcome to Film Beat. I'm Ted Davis. No relation to Betty. Ha,ha,ha. And with me today is Jeff Daniels. A very versatile actor now starring with Jim Carrey in the hit comedy "Dumb and Dumber". Which one were you? He, he, he...

Jeff Daniels: Well, I mean there wasn't really much...

Ted Davis: No, no, no, that was the title, right?

Jeff Daniels: Right.

Ted Davis: But I got ya'.

Jeff Daniels: You did, you did. Yep.

Ted Davis: Well, I think we have a clip from "Dumb and Dumber". Is that all cued up, Mark?

Mark: [off camera]Oh, yeah.

Ted Davis: Ok, great. So let's take a look."Dumb and Dumber"

[Cut to the scene in Dumb and Dumber were Jeff character is panting and grunting in the bathroom, taking his pants and underwear off in a hurry and taking a thunderous dump. His face contorts and flatulence and diarrhea sounds are heard. His face changes to comfort and with a towel he fans out the window the unholy smell of his crap]

[Back to studio]

Ted Davis:[laughs]That is funny stuff. Very funny, Jeff.[pats Jeff leg]

Jeff Daniels:[amused but a little embarrassed] Yeah, well, not one of my proudest moments.

Ted Davis: Of course not.

Jeff Daniels: Hey, it was a nice change of pace.

Ted Davis: Sure. No, absolutely. Now look, let me ask you something. Last summer you starred in the big action hit "Speed".

Jeff Daniels: Mm-mmm.

Ted Davis: Tell us about that one.

Jeff Daniels: Oh, right. Well, I play an explosives expert and Keanu Reeves is my partner and he's in a bus with a bomb and I'm trying to figure out a way to keep it from blowing up.

Ted Davis: Wow. Ok, well I think we have a clip of that. Let's take a look.

[They turn to look at the screen again. The same clip of Dumb and Dumber plays again. The thunderous crap scene]

[Back to studio]

Jeff Daniels:[confused look] I think there's a....

Ted Davis: Wow! That was exciting. Boy, jeez. So I guess the whole idea was that the stress caused you some sort of gastrointestinal thing?

Jeff Daniels: Um, no. Actually, no. I think someone made a mistake. That was the same clip from before. That was a scene from "Dumb and Dumber".

Ted Davis:[surprised]Ok, um Jeff. Wow. Umm. Let me switch gears here for a second. I want to talk a little bit about your breakthrough role in one of my favorite films "Terms of Endearment".

Jeff Daniels: Sure.

Ted Davis: If we could.

Jeff Daniels: Well, I played a college professor whose wife was...

Ted Davis: Played by Debra Winger.

Jeff Daniels: Right. She's diagnosed with cancer and then she finds out I'm having an affair with a student.

Ted Davis: Yes, that was quite a moment. I remember.

Jeff Daniels: Yeah, yeah. People hated my character for cheating on a dying woman.

Ted Davis: Yeah, no I'm sure. I can imagine. But ironically if I remember correctly your character also came down with a little bit of an illness. Something. Little bit of Montezuma's revenge. Let's take a look. I think we have a clip.

Jeff Daniels: What?!

[Cut to scene of thunderous dump of Dumb and Dumber]

[back to studio]

Ted Davis: Well Jeff Daniels, Deborah Winger, "Terms of Endearment". A lot of Oscars passed around. I don't know. How did you feel? I don't want to say overlooked....

Jeff Daniels:[distressed] No, listen Ted. I think there's a problem with the clips.

Ted Davis: Mark, are we having problems with the clips?

Mark: [off camera] No problem.

Ted Davis: Ok, no problem with the clips. Ok, let me again switch gears if I could for a second here.

Jeff Daniels:[getting angry] Yeah, yeah.

Ted Davis: Do you worry at all about being typecast? At all. I mean, do you worry about always being the guy in the toilet? I mean....Jeff "Diarrhea Head" Daniels.

Jeff Daniels: All right. Look, look....I think I better just leave.[gets ready to leave, Ted holds his arm] Ted Davis: I'm sorry Jeff. Can you hold that thought? We have to break away for a commercial here and will be right back after this commercial with Jeff "Toilet Boy" Daniels? So stay tuned.

[cut to thunderous dump scene of Dumb and Dumber]

[back to studio]

Ted Davis: Ok, so we're back from commercials.

Jeff Daniels: That wasn't a commercial!!

Ted Davis: Yes, it was.

Jeff Daniels: No!, no!

Ted Davis: It was a commercial.

Jeff Daniels: Well, what was it a commercial for?!!

Ted Davis: You know, I'm not sure. Let's take another look.

Jeff Daniels: NO!!!

Ted Davis: Its...we could do it. It's very easy to...

Jeff Daniels: No!

Ted Davis: Are you sure?

Jeff Daniels: No....fine.

Ted Davis: So what's next for Jeffrey Daniels? Tell me about it. What are you working on now?

Jeff Daniels: Well, as a matter of fact, I'm writing a screenplay that I'm very excited about.

Ted Davis: Oh, that's terrific, yeah. I think we have a clip of that. Let's take a look.

Jeff Daniels: No, you don't.

Ted Davis: Mark, do we have a clip of that?

Mark: [off camera] Absolutely.

Ted Davis: Ok, great.

Jeff Daniels: You don't have a clip of a movie that hasn't even been made yet!!!

Ted Davis: Oh, my dear Jeffrey. Then pray tell what might this be?

[Thunderous dump scene from Dumb and Dumber plays again. Jeff is mortified. He covers his face, Ted looks at him and enjoys watching him squirm]

Ted Davis: Ok, well Jeff. I think we're just out of time. Do you have any last words you'd like to leave us with?

Jeff Daniels: Yeah, I really don't know why you're doing this. You know, I've never been treated in this way. I mean, I really, really, really resent....[loud fart sound effects]

Ted Davis: Oh, no. Come on.[Fans his face, making it look like Jeff is farting]

Jeff Daniels: I flew in here for this....I, I, I could've said no....

[Film Beat logo appears. Frustrated Jeff keeps talking to a uninterested Ted]


[cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

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