Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 21: Episode 4





95d: Gabriel Byrne / Alanis Morrisette

Marshall Power Tools

John Marshall, Jr......David Koechner
John Marshall, Sr.....Mark McKinney

John Marshall, Jr.: [ walks through the workshop ] Pride. That's the feeling you get from working with your hands. I guess that's the reason my family's been in the power tool business for over 50 years.. [ raises his arm to reveal a hook where his hand should be ] ..and why the name "Marshall" has come to mean the best in reliable power tools. When you see that Marshall name.. [ taps saw blade with his hook hand ] ..you know it means quality. [ revs up saw blade ]

[ over archival footage of the company's history, including a quick shot of a young John Marshall, Sr. swinging a running table saw toward the camera ]

John Marshall, Jr. V/O: When my dad, John Marshall, Sr., started the Marshall Co. back in 1952, he said if a power saw isn't twice as sharp as a diamond, and twice as fast as the competition, it isn't worthy of the Marshall name. [ John Marshall, Sr. tosses a sharp circular blade across the room ]

John Marshall, Jr.: [ back in the modern-day shop ] Right, Dad?

John Marshall, Sr.: [ turns around to reveal false arms and limbs ] Right, Son. But it takes a lot more than sharpness and speed to stay on top for as long as Marshall has. That's why we've made safety.. number one. [ lifts up robotized finger ]

John Marshall, Jr.: But you don't have to take our word for it. Because you've got the guarantee of the entire Marshall Family.

[ entire family shown, all with various false arms, legs and other body parts ]

Marshall Family: Marshall! Proud to be Number One!

[ everyone in the family raises up a single hand, including John Marshall, Jr. holding up his hook hand ]

[ fade ]


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