Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 21: Episode 7






95g: Anthony Edwards / Foo Fighters

G-Dog Does the Nasty

Roadie.....Will Ferrell
Manager.....Anthony Edwards
G-Dog.....Tim Meadows
Dr. Cook.....Cheri Oteri
.....Tim Meadows
.....Cheri Oteri
.....Lorne Michaels

[ open on marquee reading "TLC ALL-FOR-ONE G-DOG" ]

[ dissolve into interior stage, Roadie testing microphones ]

Roadie: Testing - 1, 2.. test. Okay, I think we're ready..

Manager: [ struts onstage ] G-Dog is gonna be here real soon, okay? I'm telling you, "The Nasty" is gonna be the biggest dance craze in this country since the Peppermint Twist!

Roadie: Well.. I'm not much of a dancer. I can do the Robot, though. [ demonstrates ]

Manager: Who are you?

Roadie: I'm a Robot. No, I'm a roadie, my name's Doug! Can I get you anything?

Manager: Yeah. You can give me back the five minutes of my life I just wasted by talking to you! Whoa-ho, here he is! [ G-Dog enters ] G-Dog! G-Dog! Listen, man, you wanna run through your future hit single?

G-Dog: Yeah, let's take it. Hey, yo, Phil, somebody ate my Skittles, man!

Manager: I am on it. I am on it. Okay?

G-Dog: Alright. [ Manager steps back ] Let's do this! [ grabs microphone and sings ]

"It's time to do the Nasty!

It's time to get naked
'cause my car ran out of gas
Get yourself in the back seat, mamma
'Cause I'm gonna get some a-ass!

Just drop your pants and do the dance
It's time to do the Nasty
I'm on my knees and I'm gonna please
It's time to do the Nasty.

Do the Nasty! Do the Nasty!
Do the Nasty! Do the Nasty!"

Owwww!! [ grabs his back and twitches ]

Roadie: [ runs on stage ] Are you okay, G-Dog?

G-Dog: No! I think I.. think I pulled something in my back!

Roadie: Let me help you out, let me help you..

G-Dog: I'll be okay, let's just start again.

Roadie: Okay, G-Dog. [ backs away ]

G-Dog: Alright. Come on, let's kick this.. [ starts singing again ]

"It's time to do the Nasty.
Do the Nasty! Do the Nasty!"


Owwww!! [ grabs his back again ] Oh, my God, that hurts!

Manager: [ runs on stage ] What's up?

G-Dog: My back! It hurts when I do the Nasty!

Manager: G-Dog, you know how important this gig is. It's New York City, it's the big time! Now, bad back, or no bad back, you gotta get out there and do the Nasty!

G-Dog: Look.. yo, Phil, the Nasty can wait. I need a doctor, and soon!

[ cut to Medical Center, Dr. Elizabeth Cook, Chiropracter's office, G-Dog lying on a hospital bed ]

Dr. Cook: ..and your X-rays came back negative. Does it hurt when I do this? [ rubs his back ]

G-Dog: No, doctor, it only hurts when I do the Nasty!

Dr. Cook: What is this "Nasty" you speak of, and how is it done?

G-Dog: Uh.. I.. I can't do it.. Phil, work it for her.

Manager: Well, it goes like this.. [ dances ] "Do the Nasty! Do the Nasty! Do the Nasty!"

G-Dog: See? It hurts just looking at him.

Dr. Cook: You know, this may sound crazy, but.. maybe your problem is in your mind.

G-Dog: You mean.. psy-cho-so-matic?

Manager: Who, whoa, whoa, wait a second.. G-Dog, you better get your head on straight, brother. 'Cause if there's no Nasty Dance, there ain't no Moolah Dance.

G-Dog: Well, maybe deep down inside I'm fighting to express my real desire.

Dr. Cook: I'm no psychiatrist, G-Dog, but maybe you should listen to that inner voice.

G-Dog: Yeah.. I need to listen to it. [ ponders the suggestion ]

[ cut to marquee reading "TLC ALL-FOR-ONE GORDON JONES Formerly G-DOG" ]

[ dissolve to interior auditorium, crwod screaming ]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen - Gordon Jones!

G-Dog: [ onstage ] Okay, dig this! [ starts singing ]

"I just want to be your friend!

Girl, how you doing?
How's your family?
How's your little sister
Did she learn her ABC's?

It's nice to talk to you
Did you read the book I sent? We can do a lot of things
You listen to me think
Mainly just be friends.

How's your boyfriend, I hope he's good
I just want to be your friend!
Let's go antique shopping, like I know we should.
I just want to be your friend!

Do the Handshake! Do the Handshake!
Do the Handshake! Do the Handshake!
Do the Handsha.."


[ the crowd throws vegetables at the stage and boo G-Dog off the stage ]

Manager: That's it, Gordon! You're finished in show business! I'm serious, your career is over! I'm serious, your career is over! Over! Over! Over!

[ the sequence fizzles out and is revealed as a dream - Tim Meadows wakes suddenly from this nightmare ]

Tim Meadows: Oh, no! Oh, my God, it was a bad dream!

Cheri Oteri: [ wakes up next to Tim ] Tim, what's wrong?

Tim Meadows: Cheri, I had this horrible dream that I was in a sketch with a good premise that went nowhere!

Cheri Oteri: Well, that's okay! It was just a dream! Don't worry - Lorne would never let a sketch like that on the air. [ turns to her other side, where Lorne Michaels is lying awake ] Would you?

Lorne Michaels: Absolutely not! [ rolls his eyes mischieviously ] Let's get back to sleep.

[ fade ]


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