95i: Madeline Kahn / Bush
Nancy ... Madeline Kahn
Bill ... David Koechner
[Nancy and Bill, husband and wife, are discovered side
by side in the clutches of a giant bird's enormous
talons, flying high through the clouds and over the
countryside. Only the bird's claws are visible -- the
rest of the bird is off-camera above Nancy and Bill.
We hear an occasional screech from the bird and the
steady flapping of its unseen wings. Disgusted and
annoyed with each other over their predicament, Nancy
and Bill's entire dialogue consists of their
contemptuous and sarcastic quoting of one
Nancy: "Hey, Nancy! I've got a good idea. Let's
go for a picnic today!"
Bill: "Good idea, Bill! And I know the perfect
place! Up by the old nuclear power
Nancy: "I sure hope the ants don't
bother us!" Ants!
Bill: "Oh, honey! Don't bring the gun! Why
would we need a gun at a
Nancy: "There's a good spot, Nancy. Up on top
of that hill in that big round bowl of
Bill: "Just pull out - push out those
egg-shaped boulders so we'll have more
Nancy: "Oh, look, honey! It's a giant hang
Bill: "Oh, honey! We're so lucky! It's a bird!
And it's coming right toward us!"
Nancy: "Run for the car! And get the camera!
Quick! Like a rabbit!"
Bill: "Whatever you do, try not to scare him
Nancy: "Maybe if you hold out a piece of
chicken, he'll come and take it -- right out o'
Bill: "Honey! Come out of your hiding place!
It's perfectly safe!"
Nancy: "Stop running! It can't see you when you
Bill: "Trust me! A bird can't open a car door
with its beak!"
Nancy: "Hey, look! You can see our house from
[Suddenly, there is a loud fart and a huge amount of
bird poop rains down on Bill.]
Bill: [drenched with bird poop] "Don't worry!
They can't poop when they're
[Another fart. More poop. Fade out.]