Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 21: Episode 11




95k: Alec Baldwin / Tori Amos

Alec's Belated Season's Greetings

.....Alec Baldwin

Alec Baldwin: During the Christmas season, I received many Christmas cards. Unfortunately, because I was so busy, I didn't have time to send any out myself. So, if I could, I would like to use this as my Christmas card to everyone who was kind enough to send one to me.

[ puts Santa hat on his head and begins ]

"Dear Friend, or Relative, or Business Associate. Merry Christmas, or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, or Solstice, or Voodoo Day.

Boy, what a year it's been - me, with my acting, and, you doing whatever it is you do. Thanks for the Christmas card, it was very beautiful, or/and humorous. I enjoyed the photo of your kid, or kids. Boy, he, or she, or they are really getting big. Have you seen our mutual friend, if we have one? Can you believe what he or she is up to? Boy, some people! Does your son, or daughter, or sister, or brother, or husband, or wife still have that drug problem? All you can do is trust in God, or, if you prefer, voodoo.

How is Granny, or Nana, or Mema, or Yaya? So so? Hey, how about the professional sports team we both root for? They should fire, or rehire that manager of theirs. He's a character!

Well, better go. By the way, sorry about throwing up on your carpet that time, or times. I hope you receive many presents from Santa, or the Hanukkah Guy, or the Voodoo Man... and that the coming year is as good as, or better than, or nothing like last year. Love, Alec."

[ fade ]


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