Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 21: Episode 18





95r: Teri Hatcher / Dave Matthews Band

The Princess and the Homeboy

G-Dog.....Tim Meadows
Princess.....Teri Hatcher
Daddy.....Mark McKinney

Announcer: Get ready, America, 'cause next Monday there's a surprise in store for "The Fresh Prince" and for L.L. Cool J! You see, a new brother's moving to the 'hood, and he's as legit as they come!

[ G-Dog enters through the front door of a suburban home ]

G-Dog: Yo, what's up, [ bleep ]? Where the [ bleep ] at?

Announcer: "The Princess and the Homeboy"

Princess: I'll thank you not to use that kind of language in this house.

G-Dog: Yeah? Well, I'll Thank you to shut the [ bleep ] up! Now go make me a [ bleeping ] sandwich!

Announcer: Rupert Records' recording artist, G-Dog, is going from Compton to the country club, and life around the Anderson home is about to be turned upside-down!

[ cut to father-daughter chat ]

Daddy: Look, right before G-Dog's father passed away, I promised him that G-Dog could live here with us.

Princess: But, Dad, he just got out of prison, and he's driving me bonkers!

G-Dog: [ pops his head up from behind the couch ] What are you [ bleep ] talking about? Some [ bleep ]?

Daddy: Oh, dear!

Announcer: Matt Roush of USA Today says, "Me and my homeys have never laughed so hard. This is my new favorite 'hood - even though I'm not black, and I never watch TV and I'm an idiot!"

[ cut to Anderson living room, G-Dog watching TV while wating an ice cream cone ]

Princess: G-Dog, that was my ice cream cone!

G-Dog: Yeah? [ flips it upside-down and plants it on his crotch ] Well, come and get it [ bleep ]!

Princess: G-Dog, I'm serious! You know my favorite show is on now!

G-Dog: Oh, [ bleep ] that! I ain' watchin' no [ bleep ] "Friends"! Go [ bleep ] yourself, you dumb bitch!

Announcer: He's a thug-rapper. She's a suburban princess. Sounds like these two were made for each other!

[ cut to G-Dog's dog barking at Princess ]

Princess: G-Dog, your pit bull is scaring me!

G-Dog: You touch that [ bleep ] dog, I'll cut your [ bleeping ] head off!

[ Daddy enters ]

Daddy: Oh, no.. are you two at it again?

G-Dog: Yo! Back the [ bleep ] off, you dumb [ bleep ]

Princess: Yeah, you [ bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep ]

G-Dog & Princess: [ bleep ] you!!

Daddy: Oh, double dear!

Announcer: "The Princess and the Homeboy". Coming this Monday on NB [ bleep ] C.


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