Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 21: Episode 20

95t: Jim Carrey / Soundgarden

The Roxbury Guys

Steve Butabi.....Will Ferrell
Doug Butabi.....Chris Kattan
Fellow Roxbury Guy.....Jim Carrey

Music: "What is Love", Haddaway.

[ open on a busy New York York Street, 10:00 PM ]

[ cut to interior, Roxbury-mobile. Steve and Doug Butabi and Fellow Roxbury Guy cruise to their favorite club as they bop their heads back and forth. ]

[ cut to exterior, China Club, 10:20 PM ]

[ interior, China Club. The crowd parts down the middle to reveal the three Roxbury Guys bopping their heads at the bar. They turn around to check out the ladies who might be checking them out. ]

Doug Butabi: [ jumps to the front of the crowd ] Heeeey! Wanna dance? No? Okay, don't worry about it! [ returns to the bar ]

Steve Butabi: [ jumps to the front of the crowd ] Hey, you wanna dance? No? Alright.[ returns to the bar ]

Fellow Roxbury Guy: [ jumps to the front of the crowd, bopping his head back and forth ] Who's gonna dance? You, me? You, me? [ woman steps forward to dance with him. He struts a few moves, then he and the Butabis bounce her across each others' chest until a bouncer throws them out of the club. ]

[ cut to interior, Roxbury-mobile, 10:45 PM. The Roxbury Guys smoke cigarettes to the beat of their favorite song. One at a time, they toss their cigarettes out the window - except for the Fellow Roxbury Guy, who drops his cigarette in the car, as the three of them panic to put it out. ]

Fellow Roxbury Guy: It's okay! It's out!

Steve Butabi: [ relieved ] Alright!

[ cut to exterior, Kennedy High School Prom, 11:00 PM. ]

[ interior, Kennedy High School. The prom students part down the middle to reveal the three Roxbury Guys bopping their heads at the punch bowl. They turn around to check out the teenaged girls. ]

Doug Butabi: Hey, you wanna dance, huh? Me? Him?

All Three Roxbury Guys: [ simultaneously ] Me? Him? Him? Me? Me? Me? Him? Him? Me? Him? Him!

Doug Butabi: [ to Steve ] It's you!

[ Steve steps up to a young couple, pushes the guy aside and hogs the co-ed all to himself ]

Co-ed: [ annoyed ] Hey! What are you doing?

[ Doug and the Fellow Roxbury Guy cut in to bounce the co-ed across their chests. She runs off, leaving the three Roxbury Guys to bounce each other across their chests. A chaperone barges in and shoves them away from the prom. ]

[ cut to interior, Roxbury-mobile, 11:20 PM. The Roxbury Guys talk to each other on cellphones ]

Doug Butabi: What's up?

Steve Butabi: Nothing. It's Steve! What's up?

Fellow Roxbury Guy: I'm in the back, just working it! What's up with you?

Steve Butabi: Nothing. Later!

[ they hang up their phones and toss them out of the windows ]

[ cut to exterior, Glendale Catering Hall, 11:30 PM. ]

[ interior, Glendale Catering Hall. A newlywed couple are dancing at their reception. The camera slowly zooms out to reveal the three Roxbury Guys bopping their heads next to the wedding cake. They move forward to grab a piece of the bride for themselves, bouncing her across their chests. ]

Groom: [ angry ] Hey, come on!

Steve Butabi: [ confused ] What?!

Groom: Get off! [ pushes the Roxbury Guys out of the reception hall ]

[ cut to interior, Roxbury-mobile, 11:45 PM. The Roxbury Guys are enjoying their song when the CD player stops ]

Doug Butabi: [ panicking ] Something's wrong with the CD! [ pulls it out and holds it up ]

Fellow Roxbury Guy: [ frightened ] What the hell is going on?! [glances at CD ] Dust! [ blows on the CD, as Doug puts it back in the CD. The song plays. The catastrophe averted, they continue to bop their heads to the music and drive through the night. ]

[ cut to exterior, Golden Age Retirement Home, 11:50 PM. ]

[ interior, Golden Age Retirement Home. The Roxbury Guys are feeding and hitting upon elderly women. ]

[ cut to interior, Roxbury-mobile, Midnight. The Roxbury Guys hold the elderly women in their laps and make out as they cruise through the night. Fellow Roxbury Guy opens his mouth and pulls out his date's dentures, holding them proudly in the air. ]

Fellow Roxbury Guy: Souvenir!

[ fade to black ]

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