Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 22: Episode 1


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


September 28th, 1996

Tom Hanks

Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers

None

Kerri Strug

Andy Murphy

ABC News Election Report
Summary: Peter Jennings (Tom Hanks) moderates as President Bill Clinton (Darrell Hammond), Bob Dole (Norm MacDonald) and Ross Perot (Cheri Oteri) bicker during their debate.

Recurring Characters: Peter Jennings, President Bill Clinton, Bob Dole, Ross Perot, Al Gore.


Montage


Tom Hanks' Monologue
Summary: Tom Hanks reads the Oscar acceptance speech he disn't get to use this year.

Also Hosted: 85e, 87l, 88a, 89m, 90h, 91s, 05q.


Big Brawn Feminine Napkins
Summary: When it comes to feminine hygeine, Big Brawn equates the feeling of a lumberjack (Will Ferrell) between your knees.

Transcript


The Roxbury Guys
Summary: Another new club hopper (Tom Hanks) joins Steve (Will Ferrell) and Doug Butabi (Chris Kattan) in a wild night carousing, hitting on women, and landing in jail.

Recurring Characters: Doug Butabi, Steve Butabi.

Transcript


Hey, Remember The 80's
Summary: Goat Boy (Jim Breuer) hosts an 80's flashback show on M-TV.

Recurring Characters: Goat Boy, Tina Yothers, William "The Refrigerator" Perry.


Spartan Cheerleaders
Summary: Craig (Will Ferrell) and Arianna (Cheri Oteri) are visited by the Spartan Spirit (Tom Hanks).

Recurring Characters: Craig, Arianna.


TV Funhouse
Summary: Superheroes Ace and Gary, the Ambiguously Gay Duo, fall victim to a trap set by their nemesis Big Head, who yearns for world domination and the opportunity to out his foes.

Transcript


Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald
Summary: M-TV airhead Kincaid (Ana Gasteyer) references past TV shows during her commentary. Kerry Strug and her brother Kippy (Chris Kattan) discuss their experiences at the Olympics in Atlanta.

Recurring Characters: Kincaid.

Transcript


Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers performs "Walls"


The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Summary: Missing link Mr. Peepers (Chris Kattan) wreaks havoc on the set of "The Tonight Show."

Recurring Characters: Jay Leno, Andie MacDowell, Mr. Peepers.

Transcript


Creativity Test
Summary: Mr. Tolson (Tom Hanks) finds it an arduous challenge to come up with one original thought.


Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers performs "Angel Dream"


Classic Sing-along with the Drunken Asses
Summary: They love to sing, but they're too drunk to remember the lyrics.


Brief Histories
Summary: Cannibalism within the Donner Party is recalled.


Goodnights






Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Mary Katherine Gallagher
Summary: Mary Katherine Gallagher (Molly Shannon) participates in a school production of MacBeth.

Recurring Characters: Mary Katherine Gallagher, Patrick.

Transcript



SNL Transcripts