Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 22: Episode 3


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


October 19th, 1996

Bill Pullman

New Edition

None

Adam McKay

Dole's Dream Debate
Summary: Bob Dole (Norm MacDonald) dreams that he's debating Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman), the ficticious president from "Independence Day."

Recurring Characters: Jim Lehrer, Bob Dole, Elizabeth Dole.


Montage


Bill Pullman's Monologue
Summary: Having played the President of the United States in "Independence Day", Bill Pullman is proud to now be considered a sex symbol.

Transcript


Home Security Decoys
Summary: Bill Tasker (Mark McKinney) touts the menacing dummies that keep real criminals away.

Transcript


AT&T Operators
Summary: Operators Janice (Will Ferrell) and Kelly (Chris Kattan) chat between calls.

Transcript


Tic Tac Toe
Summary: Crotchety carpenter Jack (Norm MacDonald) has to physically nail the X's and O's to the game board, while his son, Jack, Jr. (Mark McKinney), plugs the home version.

Note: One of the pieces falls on Norm MacDonald's head while he pounds another piece into place.


The Rules Show
Summary: Ellen Fein (Ana Gasteyer) and Sherrie Shneider (Molly Shannon) advise want-to-be brides to "get the ring."


TV Funhouse
Summary: During "Fun With Real Audio", President Clinton and Bob Dole's weaknesses surface during their latest debate.


Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald
Summary: Harry Caray (Will Ferrell) offers his thoughts on the World Series.

Recurring Characters: Harry Caray.

Transcript


New Edition performs "Hit Me Off"


Hollywood Party
Summary: Beatrice (Molly Shannon) and Sebastian (Chris Kattan) dish celebrity gossip.


The Quiet Storm
Summary: Chris "Champagne" Garnett (Tim Meadows) battles it out with his station manager (Bill Pullman) after he's fired.

Recurring Characters: Chris "Champagne" Garnett.

Transcript


New Edition performs "I'm Still In Love With You"


The Heyward Foundation
Summary: Desperate to get into heaven, wealthy John W. Heyward (Bill Pullman) fronts a research lab that can put a camel through a needle for him.

Transcript


Hidden Camera
Summary: The hidden camera pranks are far too obvious for the general public.


Women's Kick Boxing
Summary: Promoter Hal Mendez (Bill Pullman) oversells the promise of women kicking women hard.

Transcript


Goodnights



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