Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 22: Episode 3





96c: Bill Pullman / New Edition

Home Security Decoys

Bill Tasker.....Mark McKinney

[ show Woman inside window, reading book in den ]

Bill Tasker V/O: You're alone; and you're vulnerable.

[ quick pan to Bill Tasker standing in front of house ]

Bill Tasker: Hi. I'm Bill Tasker of National Home Security, Inc. The only thing that will stop a dangerous intruder from terrorizing you - is if another criminal is already doing the job. That's why we developed Home Security Decoys.

[ show Home Security Decoy of a man peering into the house ]

These life-sized and weather-resistant dummies tell criminals, "Hey! This house is taken!"

Now you can feel the comfort and safety of having a Home Securty Decoy nearby.

Statistics prove criminals like to strike while you sleep. [ show Elderly Woman jump up in bed; she gasps, thinking someone is in the room with her, but it's just her knife-weilding Home Security Decoy ]

That's why we developed the Home Bedroom Decoy.

[ Edlerly Woman relaxes, casually falls back asleep ]

[ show Home Security Decoys peeking out from under childrens's bed ]

Finally, you can sleep in peace, while these versatile decoys watch over your loved ones and scare off intruders.

[ show Woman inside shower ]

You made it through the night - and that's important; but now you find yourself in the most vulnerable place of all - the shower. With a Home Decoy, you can rest assured that shadowy figure behind the curtain is your friend!

[ suddenly worried, Woman peeks out of shower to investigate funny sound, revealing a bloody cown Home Security Decoy; she smiles, and returns to her shower ]

So make the secure choice, and turn your fears into friends. With Home Security Decoys.

Announcer: Also available: new talking Home Decoy.

Talking Home Decoy: I'm gonna put my evil inside you!

Announcer: Available at Rickel, K-Mart, and other fine stores.


SNL Transcripts