Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 22: Episode 5


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


November 2nd, 1996

Chris Rock

The Wallflowers

Dana Carvey

Stephen Colbert

Abe Vigoda

The Fishing Dock
Summary: Former president George Bush (Dana Carvey) meets Republican nominee Bob Dole (Norm MacDonald) on the dock and gives him a pep dock in preparation of his impending election loss.

Recurring Characters: George Bush, Bob Dole, President Bill Clinton.


Montage


Chris Rock's Monologue
Summary: Chris Rock performs a stand-up routine on topics that include President Bill Clinton and sexual harassment.

Transcript


Excedril
Summary: For those who use Excedril, the pain reliever's lack of scientific evidence makes it more valuable.

Transcript


I'm Chillin'
Summary: Despite the departure of B-Fats, Onski (Chris Rock) plays videos with new co-host B Real (Jim Breuer).

Recurring Characters: Onski.


Dole/Kemp '96
Summary: A Black Guy (Tim Meadows), a Woman (Molly Shanno), and a Gay Man (Mark McKinney) advise that Bob Dole can't win the election if nobody bothers to vote.


The Dark Side with Nat X
Summary: Nat X (Chris Rock) makes fun of Tori Spelling (Cheri Oteri), Jesse Jackson (Darrell Hammond), and Mike Tyson (Tracy Morgan).

Recurring Characters: Nat X, Jesse Jackson, Tori Spelling, Mike Tyson.

Transcript


Mark Russell's Election Year Comedy Special
Summary: Mark Russell's (Mark McKinney) song parodies aren't much, but they're on the mark!


Charles Grodin
Summary: Charles Grodin (Dana Carvey) previews other celebrity-hosted political talk shows.

Recurring Characters: Richard Dreyfuss, Nipsey Russell.


Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald
Transcript


The Wallflowers performs "One Headlight"


TV Funhouse
Summary: The Ambiguously Gay Duo battle Big Head and Queen Serena in "Queen of Terror".


Dole's Speeches
Summary: Bob Dole (Norm MacDonald) rehearses his victory speech for when he wins the presidency, until Lorne Michaels advises Norm MacDonald that it's inevitably time to give up this impression.

Recurring Characters: Bob Dole, Elizabeth Dole.


My Son, College Graduate
Summary: College graduate's (Tim Meadows) dad (Chris Rock) and Granddad (Tracy Morgan) make fun of him for getting an education.

Transcript


The Culps
Summary: Music teachers Marty Culp (Will Ferrell) and Bobbie Mohan-Culp (Ana Gasteyer) sing a medley.

Recurring Characters: Marty Culp, Bobbi Mohan-Culp.


Russell Simmons' Def Emergency Room Jam
Summary: A foul-mouthed doctor (Chris Rock) receives the censor's cuts.

Transcript


Perspectives
Summary: Lionel Osbourne (Tim Meadows) interviews Million Man marcher Abdul Kareem Gaines (Chris Rock).

Recurring Characters: Lionel Osbourne.

Transcript


Goodnights



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