Saturday Night Live Transcripts
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Season 22: Episode 5
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 Air Date:
Host:
Musical Guest:
Special Guests:
Cameos:
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November 2nd, 1996
Chris Rock
The Wallflowers
Dana Carvey
Stephen Colbert
Abe Vigoda
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The Fishing Dock
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Summary: Former president George Bush (Dana Carvey) meets Republican nominee Bob Dole (Norm MacDonald) on the dock and gives him a pep dock in preparation of his impending election loss.
Recurring Characters: George Bush, Bob Dole, President Bill Clinton.
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Chris Rock's Monologue
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Summary: Chris Rock performs a stand-up routine on topics that include President Bill Clinton and sexual harassment.
Transcript
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Excedril
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Summary: For those who use Excedril, the pain reliever's lack of scientific evidence makes it more valuable.
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I'm Chillin'
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Summary: Despite the departure of B-Fats, Onski (Chris Rock) plays videos with new co-host B Real (Jim Breuer).
Recurring Characters: Onski.
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Dole/Kemp '96
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Summary: A Black Guy (Tim Meadows), a Woman (Molly Shanno), and a Gay Man (Mark McKinney) advise that Bob Dole can't win the election if nobody bothers to vote.
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The Dark Side with Nat X
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Summary: Nat X (Chris Rock) makes fun of Tori Spelling (Cheri Oteri), Jesse Jackson (Darrell Hammond), and Mike Tyson (Tracy Morgan).
Recurring Characters: Nat X, Jesse Jackson, Tori Spelling, Mike Tyson.
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Mark Russell's Election Year Comedy Special
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Summary: Mark Russell's (Mark McKinney) song parodies aren't much, but they're on the mark!
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Charles Grodin
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Summary: Charles Grodin (Dana Carvey) previews other celebrity-hosted political talk shows.
Recurring Characters: Richard Dreyfuss, Nipsey Russell.
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The Wallflowers performs "One Headlight"
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TV Funhouse
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Summary: The Ambiguously Gay Duo battle Big Head and Queen Serena in "Queen of Terror".
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Dole's Speeches
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Summary: Bob Dole (Norm MacDonald) rehearses his victory speech for when he wins the presidency, until Lorne Michaels advises Norm MacDonald that it's inevitably time to give up this impression.
Recurring Characters: Bob Dole, Elizabeth Dole.
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My Son, College Graduate
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Summary: College graduate's (Tim Meadows) dad (Chris Rock) and Granddad (Tracy Morgan) make fun of him for getting an education.
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The Culps
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Summary: Music teachers Marty Culp (Will Ferrell) and Bobbie Mohan-Culp (Ana Gasteyer) sing a medley.
Recurring Characters: Marty Culp, Bobbi Mohan-Culp.
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Russell Simmons' Def Emergency Room Jam
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Summary: A foul-mouthed doctor (Chris Rock) receives the censor's cuts.
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Perspectives
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Summary: Lionel Osbourne (Tim Meadows) interviews Million Man marcher Abdul Kareem Gaines (Chris Rock).
Recurring Characters: Lionel Osbourne.
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SNL Transcripts
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