Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 22: Episode 5





96e: Chris Rock / The Wallflowers

Russell Simmons' Def Emergency Room Jam

Doctor.....Chris Rock

[ open on doctors rushing a dying patient into the emergency room ]

Doctor: Scalpel! Scalpel! [ yelling ] Can a nigger get a SCALPEL up in this [ bleep ]!! [ the wrong instrument is handed to him ] I said SCALPEL, you [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ]

[ SUPER: "Russell Simmons' Def Emergency Room Jam" ]

Announcer: Yo! It's "Russell Simmons' Def Emergency Room Jam".

Doctor: Come on! [ opens patient's chest ] Damn, nigger! What you been eating, arteries all clogged up and [ bleep ]! He's dead?! No bull.. [ bleep ]! [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ] Get this DEAD mother [ bleep ] [ bleep ] out of here! And WHICH one of you nurses is gonna [ bleep ] my [ bleep ]?!

Announcer: "Russell Simmons' Def Emergency Room Jam". Only on HBO.

[ fade to black ]


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