Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 22: Episode 6




96f: Robert Downey, Jr. / Fiona Apple

Don King Press Conference

Don King.....Tim Meadows
Mike Tyson.....Tracy Morgan
.....Evander Holyfield

[ Establishment shot : Streets of Las Vegas ]

[ Location : Press Conference ]

[ Note : Don King wears a 1 meter high top ]

Don King : So you see, even in the fourth grade our hero knew that he would become the most respected, inspected, "erspected", suspected, boxing promoter in the history of the galaxy… But enough about me…

Last week’s battle between Iron Mike Tyson and Evander Hollyfield was a titantic torment. If anyone could have predicted the magnitude of this magnificent marvel of pugilistic pomposity he would have become a rich man. With the smoke cleared, Evander was the commander, for the moment, but Iron Mike Tyson, the greatest champion in the history of athletic competition has a little something to say about that. So get on up here Mike! All right!

Mike Tyson : Thanks Don.. I just want to say to Evander Hollyfield, that you fought a great fight and the depth of what you hit me, was astoundingly ludicrous.

Don King : Mike, your words are elementally elegant, and elevatingly eloquent! But don’t you have a challenge for mister Hollyfield.

Mike Tyson : My only challenge, is to not start crying, when I think about his huge fist banging in into my head. You know what I’m sayin’ you know what I mean? Congratulations Evander, you’re truly a supreme fighter and again I wanna thank you for beating the living daylights out of me. Thank you.

Don King : Mike missed the words: "I’m like the tall grass from which the deadly cobra STRIKES!" Underneath that cowardly talk beats the heart of a tiger! Mike Tyson demands a rematch. Mike Tyson will have his revenge magnificent! Evander Hollyfield will be destroyed by the power of Mike Tyson. Only in America, Evander Hollyfield will be punished, pulverized, penalized, pureed… pureed!

[ Evander Hollyfield shows up. Crowd applause. Don King becomes nervous. ]

Don King : [ Continues ] Yeah.. yes yes he will be pureed that’s right we’re gonna have a big parade for the man of the hour. Right here, the man with the power. The Heavyweight Champion of the world, Evander "The Real Deal" Hollyfield!

[ Don King raises Hollyfield’s arm and take a step back ]

Don King : [Sings] We.. are the champions my friend!

[ Hollyfield’s resists and pulls his arm back ]

Don King : All right there, all right now…

Evander Hollyfield : One second Don, I just want to say that this fight and certain have been the highlight of my career.

Don King : That’s right! Alleluia!

Evander Hollyfield : Mike Tyson is a tough fighter.

Don King : TOUGH!

Evander Hollyfield : I have a seen a lot of guys fight Mike.

Don King : LOTTA GUYS!

Evander Hollyfield : And not being able to stand up to him.

Don King : Mmh Couldn’t do it! Mm-Mm!

Evander Hollyfield : Sometimes I don’t know I could do it

Don King : Buster Douglas did it!

Evander Hollyfield : But I just kept the faith.

Don King : You gotta keep the FAITH!

Evander Hollyfield : And I worked as hard as I could--

Don King : WORK!

Evander Hollyfield : And I gave in all my arm--

Don King : ONLY in America!

Evander Hollyfield : And in the end…

Don King : SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALEDOCIOUS!

Evander Hollyfield : [ Annoyed, Evander turns to Don King ] Let me just finish!

Don King : All right finish!

Evander Hollyfield : Could you be quiet just for a second?

Don King : Oh sure! I’m silent, go ahead there Evander.

Evander Hollyfield : So I worked, I worked hard, I gave it all that I had.

Don King : [ Starts singing quietly ] Nobody does it better….

Evander Hollyfield : And at the end… I was able to defeat---

Don King : Makes me feel sad for the rest…

Evander Hollyfield : … the man that many people thought I was unable to beat.

Don King : Nobody does it….

Evander Hollyfield : .. and I owe it all

Don King : Half this good as you…

Evander Hollyfield : [ Turning and chasing Don King ] Okay that’s it!

Don King : [ Fleeing ] Okay!




Submitted by: P-Y


SNL Transcripts