Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 22: Episode 6





96f: Robert Downey, Jr. / Fiona Apple

Robert Downey, Jr.'s Monologue

.....Robert Downey, Jr.

Robert Downey, Jr.: Thank you very much. Good evening. Wow, itís great to be back here on "Saturday Night Live". I was actually a cast member on the show ten years ago, and, in case you're wondering why Iím hosting, well, actually, Iíve been invited back as part of their "Distinguished Alumni" series. Anyway, things are good with me.. you know, basically just been the same old same old. I did have a really interesting summer, though. In fact, Iíve brought some slides of what I did on my summer vacation. Would you like to see them?

Well, it wouldnít be Summer without hosting a barbecue..

[ show picture of Robert at the grill with a cop ]

Yeah.. hereís me picking up a little prescription from my pharmacist..

[ show picture of Robert picking up package from grungy guy in front of a fence ]

..and hereís me and my personal trainer..

[ show picture of Robert being frisked by a cop afterwards ]

That guy works me hard, he really does. But itís worth it when you take off your shirt at the beach, which is where I was going in this next picture..

[ show picture of Robert being arrested by two cops ]

Yeah, you know.. you go with your buddies in the car pool lane, itís sweet. And hereís me at Disney Land..

[ show Robert posed with Mickey Mouse ]

This next oneís of me when I stayed at this terrific guest house in Malibu..

[ show picture of Robert sleeping in tiny baby bed ]

It's actually two doors down from my own house. But, you know.. anyway..

[ show picture of car with the hood blown off ]

Whoops! howíd that get in there? That's from Kelsey Grammarís summer vacation.

And finally what would summer be without a hot summer romance?

[ show picture of Robert in jail cell with a fellow inmate ]

Well, that was my summer. I made some new friends, got to visit a lot of interesting places.. Weíve got a great show, Fiona Apple is here. So stick around. weíll be right back!


SNL Transcripts