Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 22: Episode 8





96h: Martin Short / No Doubt

The Terry Gantner Family Workout

Terry Gantner.....Will Ferrell
Kathy Gantner.....Molly Shannon
Julian Gantner.....Chris Kattan

Terry Gantner: Hey, folks! It's time to burn some fat, and have son fun - the Terry Gantner way!

Announcer: From Mesa, Arizona, it's "The Terry Gantner Family Workout". And now, here's Terry Gantner.

Terry Gantner: Good morning, and welcome! I hope you folks are ready, because today we're gonna work on increasing our upper body strength! And how ae we gonna do that? With a combination of aerobics and ka-ra-te! As usual, I'm joined by my lovely wife Kathy, and my son Julian. How you guys doing?

Kathy Gantner: Great!

Julian Gantner: Great!

Terry Gantner: That's all I need to hear! What do you say we get started - the Terry Gantner way! [ the three of them start to march in place ] Let's begin with a simple march, just to get the blood going. How we doing, guys?

Julian Gantner: Great, Dad!

Kathy Gantner: Great, honey!

Terry Gantner: Good! Now that we're warmed up, let's throw in some cross punches. [ they cross punch ] This is Kathy's favorite - right, honey?

Kathy Gantner: I love this one!

Terry Gantner: Grab the Lotus. Grab the Lotus. Grab the Lotus. Grab the Lotus. And return to ready position. Always return to ready position! Okay, what do you say we move it up a little bit, and focus all our concentration right up here. [ points to his head, as Julian holds a wooden board in front if him ] Here we go. Tame the tiger.. Tame the tiger.. Tame the tiger.. Tame the tiger.. Tame the tiger.. [ punches board, breaking Terry's hand instead of the board ] Oh, God! Oh.. God! Oh, sweet God! Sweet bastard! Oh, my God! What kind of wood was that!!

Julian Gantner: Dad, are you all right?

Terry Gantner: What kind of wood was that! What kind of wood was that!! Sweet God! Oh, my God, I have really hurt myself! Oh, my God!

Kathy Gantner: [ grabs his hand ] Let me look at it..

Terry Gantner: [ pulls away ] Get off me!!

Kathy Gantner: I'm sorry!

Terry Gantner: I have hurt my hand!! Oh, lease call a doctor, I have definitely shattered my hand!! Oh, my God, what kind of wood was that!! Oh, my Go-o-od!

Announcer: This has been "The Terry Gantner Family Workout".

Terry Gantner: It felt like cement!

[ fade out ]


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