Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 22: Episode 8

96h: Martin Short / No Doubt

Martha Stewart Topless Christmas Special

Martha Stewart.....Ana Gasteyer

Martha Stewart Voiceover: I'm Martha Stewart. Join me next week, when I'll share some old and new ideas for creating a truly memorable holiday.

Announcer: "Martha Stewart's Home For the Holiday's Topless Christmas Special".

Martha Stewart: [ sitting in her living room, topless ] Hi there. I'm Martha Stewart. It's my favorite time of year. Sleigh rides, caroling - these are just some of the things that remind us of Christmas.

[ cut to Martha in her Work Room ]

This is my Work Room, where we'll be making these corn husk garlands. You can make them, too, in just 24 simple steps.

[ cut to close-up of Martha sitting in her kitchen ]

Also, we'll learn how to make beeswax candles. They really say Yuletide. [ camera zooms out to reveal Martha only wearing a dickey ] And, I'll show you how to make a festive holiday dickey out of an old turtleneck. I made this one. I really treasure it.

[ cut to Martha walking through the woods with two male friends ]

Today, we're taking a field trip to my friend Tom Hardwick's Christmas tree farm in the Hudson River Valley. [ glances skyward ] Oh, look, there's a good one. [ they all walk towards it ]

[ cut to Martha back in her living room ]

So, join me, and my special guests, the Westport Boys Choir, for my Christmas special, "Home For the Holidays". Even if you celebrate Chanukah, it'll be a jolly good thing. [ Martha stands up and shakes her breasts in front of the boys but behind her black censor box ]

Announcer: "Martha Stewart's Home For the Holidays Topless Christmas Special". Wednesday night at 8:00. Parental discretion advised.

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