Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 22: Episode 10







96j: Kevin Spacey / Beck

Janet Reno's Dance Party

Janet Reno.....Will Ferrell
President Bill Clinton.....Darrell Hammond
Donna Shalaya.....Kevin Spacey

[ open on teenagers dancing with Janet Reno in her basement ]

[ Music Open: "My Sharona", The Knack ]

Janet Reno: [ music stops ] Hi, I'm Janet Reno, coming to you live from in my basement. Welcome to "Janet Reno's Dance Party". I really like dancing to that one. I wanna dance to that one again! [ music plays, Janet dances some more ] Oh, I'm on fire! I'm on fire! Bucky, WHERE'S my towel?!! [ stagehand Bobby hands Janet a towel ] Thank you! Bobby's a really good friend, and a wonderful gourmet cook. He's been with me for thirteen years. I've spent many nights crying on his shoulder, he's fantastic! Thank you, Bucky. Hey! I wanna dance some more! Play that song again! [ music plays, Janet dances ]

President Bill Clinton: [ opens basement door ] Janet, it's your Preisdent! President Clinton here! Janet, we want you to come on home, we're worried about you in Washington! You know we love you! You just stop this Dance Party madness, and come on with us!

Janet Reno: [ notices Bill at the top of the stairs ] Who are you?!!

President Bill Clinton: Who am I? I'm your President! Yeah! Janet, I'm not sure what's driving you, but I want you to know that no one holds you responsible for the events that transpired at Waco!

Janet Reno: Waco?! Dance Party takes AWAY Waco!! Now, GET OUT!! [ Clinton exits, music ends ] Okay, now it's time for a Spotlight Dance with my very special guest. Would you please welcome Secretary of Health and Human Services, Donna Shalaya. [ Sonna enters basement ] Donna? Donna, thanks for coming to the Dance Party.

Donna Shalaya: My pleasure, Janet!

Janet Reno: Now, before we beign, you look lovely tonight. Why don't you tell the viewers what you're wearing?

Donna Shalaya: Well, Janet, I'm wearing a dark blue blazer with matching skirt, pearls, and brown shoes.

Janet Reno: You look like a pretty little China doll. I just want to put you up on my shelf, and dust you and look at you. But promise me one thing. Promise me you won't let them break you.

Donna Shalaya: I promise, Janet.

Janet Reno: Okay, great, Donna. Tell me what song you've selected for our Spotlight Dance.

Donna Shalaya: I selected "Songbird" by Kenny G.

Janet Reno: That's wonderful, Donna. But there's no chance in Hell we're gonna hear it! Play my song! [ "My Sharona" kicks up again, as the lights go dim and Janet and Donna hold each other tight for their Spotlight Dance - music stops ] That was really special. Thank you, Bucky, for holding the light, and thank you, Donna, for the wonderful dance.

Donna Shalaya: Well, thank you, Janet, I had a wonderful time! [ exits ]

Janet Reno: Donna Shalaya, everyone. [ teens clap ] Boy, if I could bottle that, I'd make a million bucks - easy! Now, dancing with us all today has been the Senior Class from Ridgeway High. [ teens cheer loudly ] Shut up! Shut up! Do you kids like to dance? [ kids cheer ] Shut it! Shut it now! Now, let's get one thing straight. You're all my guests here in my home! If I catch any of you forming a mosh pit, I swear to God I'll be laughing my ass off when you kids eat it Reno-style! Now, dance! [ music starts up again, the teens start to mosh ] No mosh pit! I said.. NO MOSH PIT!! [ to camera ] Join us next week when the "Dance Party" takes place on the deck of a battleship! Good night!

[ fade out ]


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