Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 22: Episode 17

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


April 12th, 1997

Rob Lowe

Spice Girls


Joe Pesci

Robert De Niro

Summary: Ted Koppel (Darrell Hammond) conducts a satellite interview with Marshall Applewhite (Will Ferrell) and the Heaven's Gate cult members.

Recurring Characters: Ted Koppel.



Rob Lowe's Monologue
Summary: After finding the diary he left behind the first time he hosted, Rob Lowe reads the 80's-themed entries inside of it.


Summary: The shoes worn by level-headed Christians on their journey into their next life.


The Joe Pesci Show
Summary: Eric Roberts (Rob Lowe) and David Spade (Chris Kattan) are administered beatings from Joe Pesci (Jim Breuer) and Robert De Niro (Colin Quinn). The real Joe Pesci and Robert De Niro then make a surprise visit, and neither are impressed with the exaggerated impressions of themselves.

Recurring Characters: Joe Pesci, Robert De Niro.

Note: It was planned for Alec Baldwin to reprise his two-time Robert De Niro impression, but scheduling conflicts prevented his appearance, so Colin Quinn took over the role instead.

Note: The "surprise" of the cameos by the real Joe Pesci and Robert De Niro was only a surprise for anyone who hadn't read the internet or listened to a radio during the lead-up week, as their scheduled appearance received considerable coverage in the media throughout the week.


Food, Sex, or Cars?!
Summary: Game show contestants choose the most desirable object among food, sex and cars.

Recurring Characters: Suel Forrester.


Goth Talk
Recurring Characters: Circe Nightshade, Azrael Abyss, Glenn.

TV Funhouse
Summary: In an animated adventure by Robert Smigel, the X-Presidents summon the ghost of Richard Nixon to aid in their rescue of Vice-President Al Gore from a group of aliens.


NBC Lesbian Programming
Recurring Characters: Mickey The Dyke.

Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald
Note: Norm MacDonald delivers the fake news solo, without any guest commentaries.

Note: Norm MacDonald accidentally drops the F-bomb between jokes, and thus speculates on his being fired.

Spice Girls performs "Wannabe"

Summary: While interviewing baseball player Jermaine Allensworth (Tracy Morgan), Lionel Osbourne (Tim Meadows) can't seem to comprehend the significance of Jackie Robinson breaking the color barrier fifty years earlier.

Recurring Characters: Lionel Osbourne.


La Politica Non Correcto

Spice Girls performs "Say You'll Be There"

Janet Blaum's Rant
Summary: Though she's fueled with anger, waitress Janet Blaum (Ana Gasteyer) is ineffective in telling off her boss (Rob Lowe).

Recurring Characters: Janet Blaum.



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