Pamela Lee's Monologue

.....Pamela Lee



Don Pardo: Ladies and gentlemen, Pamela Lee!

[Dressed in a frilly lavender halter jacket and a pink skirt, Pamela Lee walks onstage and claps along with the audience.]

Pamela Lee: WHOOOO!!! Nice to be here! Wow! Iím here in New York! Itís great! The Knicks just beat the Bulls! WHOOOO!!!

[riotous screams and cheers]

Pamela Lee: [breathing hard] Wow, you know, this is just, this is quite a departure for me to be on ďSaturday Night Live.Ē Doing this comedy thing, you know, after having committed myself for so long to serious drama. [laughter] You know, I know a lot of people make fun of ďBaywatch,Ē but itís really an important show. Week in and week out, we attack the real problems threatening our nationís beaches. You know, problems like pollution, diamond smuggling, buried treasure! Serious stuff!! [laughter] Wow, but I have to tell you, this live TV thing is just a completely different experience. Honestly, Iím really very nervous. So my husband taught me--heís a musician--he told me a little trick about what to do if, if I start to feel nervous. He says that, um, a good way to put yourself at ease is to, um... [thinking hard] Oh, shoot, um... ohhhhh, oh, yeah, have the audience imagine that youíre naked! Yeah! Thatís what it is. Yep!

[Audience hoots and cheers as Pam takes off her jacket to reveal a bikini top with pink feathers on the cups.]

Pamela Lee: So, so, if you could just, uh, imagine me naked, that would help me out tremendously. Itíd be great. Are you imagining me naked?

Guys in audience: YEAH!!

Pamela Lee: You know what, itís not working. Maybe what he said is that, um, you know, if youíre nervous onstage, you actually should BE naked! Yeah!! Okay! You know what? Iím gonna take this off...

[The audience hoots and cheers again as Pamela strips off her bikini and skirt. Her body is blurred out.]

Pamela Lee: Thatís better! [fidgets with skirt clasp] Okay, all right, thatís where it is. NOW weíre talkiní! Thank you, thank you!

[riotous screams and cheers]

Pamela Lee: Whoooo! This is really loosening me up! This is great! Wow! Wow. Wow!! Loosening me up.

Guys in audience: You go, Pam!

Pamela Lee: Now you really see what Iím doing here tonight. You know, showing my top to the world is an exciting step toward developing me as a mature actress. At any rate, I feel free, you know, I feel free. You guys can get naked! We have a great show tonight! The Rollins Band is here! [audience cheers] So stick around, weíll be right back!

[FADE to black as audience continues cheering heartily.]


Thanks to Joe for this transcript!


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