Jerry "Steve" Dave
Molly ... Molly Shannon
Mr. Bradley ... Jeff Goldblum
Mr. Dave ... Tim Meadows
[Receptionist Molly enters a plush executive office
with a file folder and approaches her boss, Mr.
Bradley, who sits at his stylish desk. Both are
dressed expensively but tastefully. Reproductions of
paintings by fine modern artists decorate the paneled
Molly: Mmm. Uh, Mr. Dave is here to see you,
Mr. Bradley: Who?
Molly: Uh, Mr. Dave, he's, uh, he's here to
interview for the engineer position.
Mr. Bradley: Oh, right, right, right. Did he
fill out an, a, uh, an application?
Molly: Yeah, he did. [hands him the file
folder] It's right - it's right in here ...
Mr. Bradley: Okay.
Molly: ... so you can look at that.
Mr. Bradley: Thank you. Send him right
Molly: Okay. [calls to Mr. Dave] Mr. Dave?
Right this way.
[Molly exits once Mr. Dave enters, wearing an old
yellow shirt that reads HAWAII '88. He shakes hands
with Mr. Bradley who is stunned at Mr. Dave's
astonishingly casual dress for a high-tech job
Mr. Dave: Hey! Thanks for seein' me, Mr.
Mr. Bradley: Hi...
Mr. Dave: Yeah.
Mr. Bradley: ... Mr. Dave. Have a seat. My
pleasure. [they sit] Say, can I give you a tip for the
future? This - this shirt you're wearing ...?
Mr. Dave: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. [proudly] I got
this in Hawaii in 1988. ... You can't get 'em any more
and this one is NOT for sale.
Mr. Bradley: [decides not to say anything about
it] Oh, okay. ... [reads the application] Uh, well,
let's just - let's just go 'head and see what your
application says, Mr. Jerry Dave.
Mr. Dave: Yeah, but, uh, you can call me
Mr. Bradley: [gives him a look] Okay, Steve.
[consults application] Uh, when asked why you wanted
the job of engineer, you put, "To fake an injury and
sue you. No, just kidding." ... "To make free Xeroxes
of my one-man show, entitled 'Jerry "Steve" Dave's
Songs in the Key of Steve' - Just kidding again." [Mr.
Dave laughs, grins, nods his head at his joke] Uh,
"Really, so I can buy a boatload of fireworks and
celebrate the Fourth of July in style."
Mr. Dave: Yeah, you know, I have two loves in
my life -- uh, Fourth of July and, of course,
Mr. Bradley: Really? And yet, and yet, on your
application, you put here, "Teamwork is for suckers.
When I'm hired, I will do to teamwork what Napoleon
did to Japan."
Mr. Dave: Yeah, he - he conquered Japan,
Mr. Bradley: No.
Mr. Dave: [turns on the charm] Come on, man.
I'm Jerry "Steve" Dave, the Magic Man! [grins, wiggles
Mr. Bradley: [taken aback] Okay. I - I'm not
sure what that means, uh, but, uh, you know, this -
this job requires, uh, a college degree in the field
of electrical engineering and, uh, for education, you
say here you've completed "a few freestyle pottery
courses at the Learning Annex." So--
Mr. Dave: Yeah, yeah, see, I've been really
hittin' the books really hard lately to show that I'm,
um -- what's the word I'm lookin' for?
Supergood! Yeah, that's the word. I'm - I'm
really supergood at things.
Mr. Bradley: Okay. "Super good" is two words,
by the way. But, uh, ah ... Say, let me - let me ask
you something. Uh ...
Mr. Dave: Mm hmm?
Mr. Bradley: Wh - where do you see yourself in,
like, say, uh, ten years?
Mr. Dave: Wow. Ten years. That's a long ass
time, man. ... Um, I don't know what I'm gonna be
doin' but it would definitely involve this souped-up
Kawasaki jet ski ...
Mr. Bradley: Uh huh.
Mr. Dave: That's right, you heard me. ... And,
uh, let's see, uh, I don't know, what else did I put
on that application there?
Mr. Bradley: Ah, that "my ten year goal is to
get a souped-up Kawasaki jet ski." Ah, that's all you
Mr. Dave: Yeah? Well, that's all I want! ...
[smiles, claps his hands together and rubs them
enthusiastically] So, when do I start?
Mr. Bradley: Mr. Dave, uh, I'm gonna be honest
with ya. I really don't think, uh, that you - that you
thought this thing through.
Mr. Dave: Really? Did I happen to mention that
I have "101 Dalmatians" on laserdisc? [winks broadly,
clicks his tongue]
Mr. Bradley: [rises] N-no, you didn't. Uh, so,
uh, listen, I'm sure you want to get on with your day,
so we gotta - we gotta let you leave.
Mr. Dave: [threateningly] You should
Mr. Bradley: [more confused than scared]
Mr. Dave: [instantly nonchalant] Nothin'.
Mr. Bradley: Okay. Come on. Let's go. [the two
men walk to the door]
Mr. Dave: You're makin' a big mistake, man.
Mr. Bradley: Well--
Mr. Dave: [grandly] I am Jerry "Steve" Dave,
the Magic Man!
Mr. Bradley: [opening the door for Mr. Dave]
You said that before, you said that before. Thanks so
much. [offers to shake hands]
Mr. Dave: Hey, you, uh, you wanna get stoned?
[pulls out a joint and holds it up]
Mr. Bradley: What? My God in Heaven, please!
[pushes Mr. Dave out the door] Get out of here. [Mr.
Dave exits, a shaken Mr. Bradley calls for his
receptionist] Molly! Molly! Jesus. [Mr. Bradley shuts
the door and looks baffled as we fade