Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 23: Episode 3







97c: Brendan Fraser / Bjork

Lemon Glow

Housewife.....Molly Shannon
Husband.....Darrell Hammond

[ open on Housewife entering suburban kitchen ]

Housewife: I love my family, but cleaning up after them can be a full-time job. That's when I reach for Lemon Glow.

[ Music Over: "Lemon Tree" ]

Housewife: Only ten years ago, a clean kitchen was the last thing on my mind. I was sleeping in doorways and unlocked cars, and I had a pretty nasty speed habit. Hell, back then I'd do anyone who owned a motorcycle. I remember this one time in.. 1983 - I was going out with Frank. We got into a vicious fight because I made out with this Puerto Rican guy at the OTB. So I cut him with a broken ashtray.

[ admiring floor ] Wow! Look at that shine!

That night, while he was sleeping, I shot his dog and burned his house on fire. I never did find out if he woke up or not. And then after shacking up with Iggy Pop for a month, I met Ted.

Husband: [ entering kitchen ] Hey!

Housewife: [ surprised ] Hi! [ to camera ] To be honest, this whole family thing started out as a con. I was going to play Ted like a punk and sell his telescope for pot. But with Lemon Glow on my side, I think I'll stay.

Announcer: Lemon Glow. For the home you weren't sure you wanted.


SNL Transcripts