Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 23: Episode 3

97c: Brendan Fraser / Bjork

The Shark Channel

[ Shark Channel logo appears ]

Announcer: Tonight on The Shark Channel - cable's only network to feature all-shark programming..

[ show images of sharks swimming through the water, eating chum, etc. ]

Announcer: Their jaws average two feet in width, and act like a deadly vise. Tonight at 9:00 on The Shark Channel: "Great White: Inside the Jaws of Death."

[ logo: "Great White: Jaws of Death" ]

Announcer: The, at 10:00: their teeth average two inches in length, and can slice flesh like a razor: "Great White: Teeth of Terror" ]

[ logo: "Great White: Teeth of Terror" ]

[ logo: "The Shark Report" ]

Announcer: Then, every night at 11:00: it's The Shark Report. Get information on sharks..

[ show shark swimming below 5-day weather accu-cast ]

Announcer: well as the latest weather! With The Shark Channel's Accu-Cast Radar 4000.

[ show shark swimming above a scrolling stock report ]

Announcer: ..Financial news, with The Shark Channel's stock report!

[ show shark swimming alongside Hanson in a box ]

Announcer: And find out what's hot in Hollywood, with The Shark Channel's entertainment watch.

[ show logo: "Cooking With Ramona" ]

Announcer: Then, it's time for "Cooking with Ramona." Tonight, Chef Ramona explores some creative ways to cook with chum.

[ show shark swimming with "Season Premiere" logo ]

Announcer: Then, get ready to laugh, with The Shark Channel's freshest sitcom - "Roscoe -N- The Boyz".

[ show logo: "Roscoe -N- The Boyz" ]

[ show logo: "The Midnight Hour Starring A Tiger Shark"" ]

Announcer: ..followed by the hot, new late night talk show - "The Midnight Hour Starring A Tiger Shark".

[ show tiger shark eating a bloodied human carcass ]

Announcer: Tonight: "Men Behaving Badly"'s Rob Schneider drops in.

[ show shark scientist assisting in a shark birth ]

Announcer: Tuesday at 9:00, The Shark Channel tackles the sensitive subject of teen pregnancy, as only we can in.. "Without Parental Consent". A Shark Channel original movie.

[ show logo: "Without Parental Consent" ]

[ show logo: "The 47th Annual Country Music Awards" ]

Announcer: And, tomorrow - be sure to catch the 47th Annual Country Music Awards! With host Jeff Foxworthy! And appearances by: Clint Black.. LeAnn Rimes.. Garth Brooks.. Alabama.. and a special performance by Willie Nelson.

[ show more footage of shark activity ]

Announcer: It's a night of music and surprises, only on The Shark Channel!

[ Shark Channel logo re-appears ]

Announcer: The Shark Channel. We took the idea of a Shark Network.. and ran with it.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts