Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 23: Episode 4





97d: Chris Farley / The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

Bocephus

Sax Player.....Lenny Pickett
Technician #1.....Will Ferrell
Technician #2.....Tim Meadows
Agent.....Ana Gasteyer
Hank Williams, Jr.....Chris Farley
Jack.....Colin Quinn

[ open on Sax Player finishing his session in a recording studio ]

Technician #1: Aaaand that's a keeper. Yeah.

Technician #2: Hey, Paul, that was beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

Sax Player: Thanks, guys. [ exits ]

Technician #2: You know, I mean, that was a pleasure.

Technician #1: Absolutely.

Technician #2: Yeah. Well, who's next on the schedule?

Technician #1: Uh, let's see.. [ looks at clipboard ] Hank Williams, Jr.

Technician #2: [ glumly ] Oh.

[ Hank Williams, Jr., drinking heavily, enters recording studio with his agent and a wide-grinning cowboy type ]

Hank Williams, Jr.: [ yelling ] Are you ready for some footBAAAAAALL!!! [ laughs uproariously ]

Technician #2: Good Lord.

Technician #1: You must be, uh.. Hank Williams, Jr.?

Hank Williams, Jr.: Please, call me Bocephus!

Technician #1: Allllright.. Bocephus. Uh.. why don't you get your gear and set up. We're scheduled to record the different team match-ups for the Monday Night Football theme song.

Hank Williams, Jr.: [ singing ] "All my rowdy friends are comin' over tonight!" Ha ha ha!

Technician #1: We haven't started recording yet, so.. don't do that.

Agent: [ enters the booth ] He's a real talent.

Technician #1: Yeah. Well, I'll have to take your word on that.

Hank Williams, Jr.: Well, fellas, uh.. have you met my friend Jack?

Technician #1: No. Nice to meet you.

Hank Williams, Jr.: No, no, no! I mean this friend - the bottle! [ holds up bottle, laughs, then points to the man standing behind him ] His name's Jack, too, as a matter of fact.

Technician #1: That's great. Uh.. now, let's get some levels.

Technician #2: Uh, Mr. Williams, uh.. does that man have to be in there with you?

Hank Williams, Jr.: He's my rowdy friend - "He's comin' over tonight!" Ha ha ha, yeah!

Technician #1: That's great, Mr. Williams.

Hank Williams, Jr.: Please, call me Bocephus!

Technician #1: Okay. Bocephus. Uh. let's get some levels.

Hank Williams, Jr.: Alright, alright. "Are you ready for some foot-ball!! [ laughs uproariously ]

Technician #2: Yeah, that sounds great.

Hank Williams, Jr.: "Are you ready for some foot-ball!! [ laughs uproariously ]

Technician #1: We got the levels.

Hank Williams, Jr.: Alright. I'm sorry. I thouht you said do it agin.

Technician #1: That's okay, Bocephus.

Technician #2: Okay, now, Mr. Williams, uh.. the first teams up are the Patriots and the Vikings.

Hank Williams, Jr.: Alright, alright, I got it right here on the card.

Technician #1: And, uh.. you don't have to sing the whole song, we can just insert the teams into the master.

Hank Williams, Jr.: Well, I can't get the Bocephus juices flowin' unless I say.. "Are you ready for the fooot-baaaaaallll!!

Technician #1: Well.. maybe we don't want to get the Bocephus juices flowing, okay? Uh, so just sing the pairings.

Hank Williams, Jr.: Alright, alright, whatever you say.

Agent: Isn't he wonderful?

Technician #2: No.

Technician #1: Ready whenever you are.

[ Background music pots up ]

Hank Williams, Jr.: [ scream-singing ]
"Patriots and The Vikings comin' over tonight!
Eagles and the Raiders comin' over tonight!
Bengals and the Ravens comin' over tonight!"
[ laughs uproariously as the music stops ]

Technician #1: Aaand.. that was great. Let's get out of here.

Hank Williams, Jr.: Ohhh, hold on here just a second here -- [ Jack prods him ] I know, Jack, I know, Jack. My buddy Jack here really thinks I sould sing the whole song.

Technician #1: Yeah, well isn't there a barn somewhere Jack should be sniffing glue in?

[ the technicians laugh uproariously ]

Technician #2: Uh, yeah. Someone should tell Jack they're taping "Hee Haw" three doors down!

Hank Williams, Jr.: Hey, that ain't cool. Why you guys makin' fun of us?

Technician #2: Uh, because you suck!

Technician #1: Yes!

[ the technicians laugh uproariously ]

Hank Williams, Jr.: Listen, man.. I sing music for working people. I know it ain't the most sophisticated stuff in the world, but.. it comes from the heart.

Technician #1: We didn't mean to.. make fun of you --

Hank Williams, Jr.: Yeah, yeah you did. And I understand. We must look pretty ridiculous to you folks. The truth is, people like us don't have many role models. My career's important to many people.

Jack: Before I heard Bocephus music.. I thought I was alone in the world.

Agent: My teenage boy was getting into trouble. Bocephus' music taught him to be a man.

Hank Williams, Jr.: That's all I'm tryin' to do, in my own kinda awkward way is.. bring people together.

Technician #2: You know, you guys are alright.

[ light piano music pots up ]

Technician #1: [ singing ] "Are you read-y for the foot-ball?"

All: "All my rowd-y friends are com-in' o-ver to-night."

Agent: "All my rowd-y friends are com-ing o-ver to-night."

Hank Williams, Jr.:
"Love and friend-ship are playin' tonight
Are you read-y for the foooot-baaaall?"

All: "Yes! We're read-y for the foot-baaaaaaaaaallll."

[ music fades ]

Technician #1: I think that's a keeper.

Hank Williams, Jr.: Yeah. [ looks into the camera ] Remember: no matter how dirtbaggy anyone seems.. underneath it all, they've still got a heart. I should know. I'm Bocephus. [ turns to Jack ] C'mon, Jack!

[ Bocephus and Jack exit recording studio, to fade ]


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