Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 23: Episode 8


This free script provided by http://javascriptkit.com




Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

December 6th, 1997

Nathan Lane

Metallica

Ernie Sabella

The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders

Marianne Faithfull

NBC News Special Report: Well Babies Tragedy
Summary: An episode of "Jenny" is interrupted by an important -- not to mention, cool -- news report: Brian Williams is psyched to announced that the McCaughey Septuplets have all fallen down a well, and he's ready to sit on this story all through the night.

Recurring Characters: Brian Williams, Gerald Rivera, President Bill Clinton.

Transcript


Montage


Nathan Lane's Monologue
Summary: Nathan Lane casually enters the stage in a bathrobe while reading the newspaper, free of worries and oblivious to his hosting duties for the night. Ana Gasteyer and Nathan's "Lion King" co-star, Ernie Sabella, confront him. Nathan promptly bursts into a chorus of "Hakuna Matata", and dances through the studio with everyone in tow.

Bio: Nathan Lane (1956-). Actor; Broadway credits include: "Guys and Dolls" (1992); film credits include: "The Birdcage" (1996), "Mouse Hunt" (1997), "The Producers" (2005).


Chess For Girls
Summary: Because Chess is traditionally a boring boys' game, Mattel has femmed it up for the opposite sex with dolls, dresses, and bubbles.

Transcript


The Spartans
Summary: Craig (Will Ferrell) and Arianna (Cheri Oteri) chat on the phone before bedtime to make their Christmas wishes. They both fall asleep and share the same dream, of being real Spartan Cheerleaders and dancing with the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

Recurring Characters: Craig, Arianna.


The Quiet Storm
Summary: While playing his groove music, Chris "Champagne" Garnett (Tim Meadows) is visited by easy listening morning host Larry Unhower (Nathan Lane), and the two begin an on-air turf war of competing hits.

Recurring Characters: Chris "Champagne" Garnett.

Transcript


Sister Wendy Beckett's Art Odyssey
Summary: During a visit to a New York art museum, naughty Sister Wendy (Nathan Lane) tries to hide her love for erotic artwork.


Marianne Faithfull performs "The Ballad of Lucy Jordan"
Note: Shown briefly on the air before the show cuts to a commercial break. The song wraps up as the show returns from the commercial break.

First Performed: 79j.

Lyrics


History of Vaudeville
Summary: The vaudeville act of Weber (Nathan Lane) & Rose (Chris Kattan) was one of the earliest to perform ethnic stereotyping.


Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald
Summary: Norm MacDonald adopts the persona of Bud Abbott when he interviews Officer Lou Costello (Nathan Lane), who is frightened by a mummified corpse he discovered on a recent murder investigation.

Transcript


Metallica performs "Fuel"
Bio: Heavy metal band; members: Kirk Hammett, James Hetfield, Jason Newsted, Lars Ulrich.

Lyrics


Songs That Ruined Everything
Summary: Styx frontrunner Dennis DeYoung (Will Ferrell) promotes the songs that signaled artistic doom for various rock performers.

Recurring Characters: Dennis DeYoung.

Transcript


The Lost Deep Thoughts
Summary: On the hypnotic effect of looking back between an old man and his younger photograph.

Transcript


Miss Milo
Summary: Broadway veteran Miss Milo (Nathan Lane) acts eccentric in front of her new dresser, theater major Vance Harris (Will Ferrell), as he gets her ready for her performance as Mrs. Christmas Tree.


Metallica, featuring Marianne Faithfull, performs "The Memory Remains"
Lyrics


Ex-Con Gene
Summary: Gene the ex-con (Colin Quinn) takes work as a cranky, kid-scaring Santa Claus.

Recurring Characters: Gene.

Transcript


The Lost Deep Thoughts
Summary: On a little boy's desire to be an acrobat when he grows up.

Transcript


Goodnights
Transcript



SNL Transcripts