Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 23: Episode 8




97h: Nathan Lane / Metallica

Songs That Ruined Everything

Dennis DeYoung.....Will Ferrell

Dennis DeYoung: [ singing at piano ]
"I know you think these are the worst of times
I do believe it's true."


Hi. I'm Dennis DeYoung, lead singer of the rock group Styx. And that was our smash hit, "The Best of Times", a song that turned a respected art-rock quintent into an easy-listening laughingstock. You can hear that and other career-destroying hits on an amazing collection called "Songs That Ruined Everything". You'll get dozens of songs which singnalled the beginning of the end for many formerly cool artists. Including:

[ show image of Steve Miller over music sample ]

"Abracadabra", by the Steve Miller Band..

[ show image of Bruce Springsteen over music sample ]

.."Dancing In The Dark", by the Boss - Bruce Springsteen..

[ show image of Rod Stewart over music sample ]

..and "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" by Rod Stewart.

I'm sure we all remember the moment we lost respect for one of our favorite artists. Now you can relive that moment again and again. Imagine it's 1986, and you're eagerly awaiting the new album by the world's greatest rock-and-roll band.. and they give you this: [ sound clip plays ] "Harlem Shuffle", by the Rolling Stones. You'll also get:

[ show image of Yes over music sample ]

"Owner Of A Lonely Heart", by Yes.

[ show image of Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson over music sample ]

.."Say, Say, Say", by Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney. Hey! This one ruined two reputations!

[ show image of Van Halen over music sample ]

And, of course, "Jump", by Van Halen.

And if you act now, we'll include a bonus album: "Songs That Made It Impossible For Even The Most Ardent Fan Not To Realize Something Was Seriously Wrong." We're talking about songs that pounded the final nail into the coffin of artistic legitimacy. Such as:

[ show image of Jefferson Starship over music sample ]

"We Built This City", by Jefferson Starship..

[ show image of Genesis over music sample ]

.."Invisible Touch", by Genesis..

[ show image of Billy Joel over music sample ]

.."We Didn't Start The Fire", by Billy Joel..

[ show image of Styx over music sample ]

..and Styx's own "Mr. Roboto".

Each of these songs reminds us that even our best and brightest can enter a heart-breaking creative freefall, from which there's no escape! So, "domo arigato"!

[ continues singing ]

"I'm sailing away-ay-ay.."

Announcer: Send $19.95 to:
Dennis DeYoung Enterprises
2250 E. Madison Street,
Chicago, Illinois


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