97j: Samuel L. Jackson / Ben Folds Five
Gang Member #1.....Tracy Morgan
Gang Member #2.....Tim Meadows
Gangleader.....Samuel L. Jackson
[ open on interior, Beefcakes, where two Gang Members sit at a table with their Gangleader ]
Gang Member #1: Hey, boss, it's really nice of you to take us out tonight.
Gangleader: Well, you boys did such fine work turning over them stolen cars, I thought, why not celebrate by coming out here to this strip club.
Gang Member #2: It's all good!
Announcer: And now! Put your hands together for the mystery known as Mango!
[ Mango steps out from behind the curtain on stage, and begins his seductive dance ]
Gang Member #1: It's a dude!
Gang Member #2: Hey, I told you Beefcakes was the wrong place!
Gangleader: Hey, let's get the hell out of here!
Announcer: Give it up for Mango!
[ as the Gang Members jump outo f their seats, Mango stands before the
Gangleader and teases him with his dance, as Everybody But The Girl's "Missing" begins to play ]
Gangleader: Mango. Mango!
Gang Member #2: [ grabbing him ] Come on, man, let's go!
[ dissolve to a scene in a back alley, where the Gangleader and his boys are beating on a Punk ]
Gangleader: Now, you tell your boss if he ever tries to rip me off again, I'll give him what I'm about to give you. You got that? Huh? Huh?
[ Gangleader starts to repeatedly punch the Punk, until Mango appears as a vision in his mind, and dances seductively - the Gangleader ceases punching the Punk ]
Punk: What did you quit hitting me for?
Gangleader: [ snapping out of his daydream ] Who said I quit hitting you? Shut up! Shut up!
[ dissolve interior, Gangleader's living room, where he's paying off his demanding Gang Members ]
Gangleader: Slow down! Slow down! You're all going to get your money. [ begins handing out money ] Now, T.J. here's your share from the stripped Cady's I did. Jessie, $800 for the work..
[ Suddenly, the vision of Mango appears again in the Gangleader's mind,
causing him to look away from handing out the money ]
Gang Member #3: Hey, man. You alright?
Gang Member #4: Man, what's going on, man?
Gangleader: [ snapping out of his daydream ] I gotta go!
[ Gangleader throws the rest of the money in the air and rushes out of the door, as the Gang Members fight over the money flying around the air ]
[ dissolve to interior, Mango's dressing room, as he tries to squeeze into the room and escape his Fans' grips ]
Fans: Mango! Mango!
Mango: Go away! Mango wants to be alone! [ closes the door on all his fans ] Oh, why must I be Mango? Why can't I be someone else. Someone normal. Like say.. John Ritter? But, no. I have to be Mango.
[ the Gangleader stands outside Mango's dressing room, calling for him ]
Mango: No! Go away! No more Mango for you!
Gangleader: Mango! [ turns to the Fans ] Back off! [ he fights his way through the Fans and enters Mango's dressing room, slamming the door behind him ]
Mango: What is it? Who are you?
Gangleader: My name is Lucius Monroe. But they call me Hard Core. I deal in stolen cars and drugs. But, now you are the only drug I'm addicted to. [ holds out a gift for Mango ]
Mango: [ knocks the gift to the floor ] If you start out using Mango, it will only lead to more Mango. And then, pretty soon, you'll need more and more and more and more of the Mango, until there is no more Mango left. Not even for Mango!
Gangleader: [ pulls out a gun and points it at Mango ] If I can't have you, I'm prepared to take you!
Mango: Can you take the color blue out of the sky? Can you grab the mountains and put them in a pocket? Can you sit down at a table with a knife and fork and try to eat a rainbow? No! And such is Mango!
Gangleader: [ misty-eyed ] I see now. I was stupid to think I could have you.
Mango: Yes, that's right. [ reaches for the Gangleader ]
Gangleader: Mango! Please!
Mango: No! Get out! I hate you!
[ Gangleader turns away, as Mango reaches again ]
Gangleader: But, it's just..
Mango: No! You can't have-a the Mango!
[ Mango spanks himself and reaches for the Gangleader, who stops one last time ]
Gangleader: Goodbye, Mango! [ steps out of the dressing room and yells at the Fans ] Back off! Back off!
Mango: Goodbye, Lucius Monroe.
[ Mango's Fans rush in and surround him as he struggles to be left alone ]
Mango's fans then rush in and smother him with affection.
[ cut to the Gangleader sitting in his satin-sheeted bed fondling Mango's glove and weeping ]
[ Music out: "Missing", as scene fades to black ]