Samuel L. Jackson's Monologue
.....Samuel L. Jackson
Samuel L. Jackson: It is great to be here in New York hosting "Saturday Night Live"! In case you confused, no, I am not Laurence Fishburne, and I'm Morgan Freeman. I am Samuel L. Jackson, and I'm here to host the very first "SNL" of 1998! And since this is the very first show of the year, I thought instead of doing the usual monologue, I would just read you a list of my New Year's resolutions! [ takes out card ] Now, I know you might find it shocking that someone as cool and together as myself has New Year's rsolutions.. but.. believe it or not, there are things that even Samuel L. Jackson can improve upon. Forthwith - if I could have a little music, please..
At the top of my list: "Continue to kick ass"
And then I hope to "Be as bad as I know I can be"
Also, to "Really put it out there, and by it I mean Sammy's mojo"
In addition, I plan to "Give it as good as I get it"
"Be all that and more"
and "Lose my shyness, vis a vis the rocket in my pocket"
Plus, I plan to "Work my voodoo on the lady fans"
"Take a thorn out of some cat's paw."
and "Build a shrine to my own bad ass"
Then, it's time to "Give the demons what for"
"Spare the rod and spoil the face"
and "Continue to kick ass"
After which, I'll "Show the bad men what it's all about"
"Release a dove from a ghetto rooftop"
and "Cradle a newborn baby in the ruins of a church"
Finally, this year, I will "Stick it to all the suckas"
and I'm gonna "Show the man that I mean business"
..and I'm gonna "Take a computer class."
We have a great show for you tonight! Ben Folds Five is here, so stick around, we'll be right back!