Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 23: Episode 15

97o: Scott Wolf / Natalie Imbruglia

Breath Spray Plus

Woman.....Ana Gasteyer
Mugger.....Will Ferrell
Carjacker.....Tracy Morgan

[ open on women hurrying about the city ]

Female Announcer: You're a woman on the go.

[ show woman spill the contents of her purse on the sidwalk ]

Female Announcer: And you don't have time for all that clutter in your purse.

[ Woman holds up product to camera ]

Female Announcer: So get Breath Spray Plus. [ she slides the numerous contents to the floor, using product as a sweeper ] And get rid of the clutter.

[ cut to Woman at a one-on-one business meeting at a round table ]

Female Announcer: Breath Spray Plus is all you'll need when you step out the door. Because Breath Spray Plus combines two functions in one - it's a refreshing minty breath spray. [ she leans under table to spray her breath, then smiles at the camera ]

[ cut to a Mugger grabbing for her i the night, as she quickly sprays mace in his eyes ]

Female Announcer: Plus, a powerful chemical spray, used to ward off attackers.

[ show switch on side of product ]

Female Announcer: The key is the dual-action switch. It's simple. When the switch is on Aqua, you're ready to fight bad breath. [ she sprays her breath ] And when it's on Sea Green, you're ready to spray an assailants eyes with a burning chemical that will cause him to vomit and convulse. [ she sprays a Carjacker's eyes, and he stumbles back onto the street in pain ]

[ close-up of product reveals fingers moving the switch back and forth ]

Female Announcer: You just have to remember that each time you use Breath Spray plus, the setting reverses because of the complicated spring mechanism. And also keep in mind that the setting may reverse from Aqua to Sea Green, or Sea Green to Aqua after going through X-ray machines or store security monitors. Plus, the setting may be affected by temperature changes, loud noises, microwave ovens and lunar cycles.

[ show hands fidgeting with a switch conversion chart and calculator ]

Female Announcer: With the handy Breath Spray Plus switch conversion chart, you can be certain all tabulations are easily calibrated, with only a five-percent margin of error.

[ Woman sprays her breath, smiles for the camera, then drives off in a red convertible ]

Female Announcer: Breath Spray Plus. It's a simple solution for a complicated world.

[ cut to eye drops product ]

Male Announcer: Also available: Eye Drops Plus. Flushes out irritated eyes and emits a thousand-volt shock to stun attackers!

[ fade ]

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