Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 23: Episode 16

This free script provided by

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


March 14th, 1998

Julianne Moore

Backstreet Boys



A Message From the President of the United States
Summary: As President Bill clinton (Darrell Hammond) comments on the Starr Report, Kenneth Starr (Will Ferrell) interrupts the sketch to issue a subpoena to Darrell Hammond.

Recurring Characters: President Bill Clinton, Kenneth Starr.



Julianne Moore's Monologue
Summary: Gloria Stewart (Cheri Oteri) re-enacts the "Titanic" finale so she can one-up her fellow Oscar nominee, Julianne Moore.

Delicious Dish
Summary: Sorghum expert Audrey Kay (Julianne Moore) reveals that her farm compound is a front for an evil cult.

Recurring Characters: Margaret Jo McCullen, Teri Rialto.


The Ladies Man
Recurring Characters: Leon Phelps.

Note: As Don Pardo announcement next week's rebroadcast, Kenneth Starr (Will Ferrell) can be heard entering the booth and issuing Pardo a subpoena.

Barbara Walters Oscar Special
Summary: New student Marissa (Ana Gasteyer) is offended by the sarcastic comments of the teacher (Matthew Perry) and her classmates.

Recurring Characters: Barbara Walters, Burt Reynolds.


Weekend Update with Colin Quinn
Note: Colin Quinn performs Weekend Update alone, with no guest commentators.


Backstreet Boys performs "As Long As You Love Me"

Pretty Living
Recurring Characters: Gayle Gleason, Helen Madden.


Summary: Kenneth Starr (Will Ferrell) interrupts a Heineken commercial to issue subpoenas to the beer drinkers within.

Terence Maddox
Recurring Characters: Terrence Maddox.


TV Funhouse
Conspiracy Theory Rock!

Note: This cartoon was edited out of all reruns of the episode. Conspiracy?

Good Morning With Liza!
Recurring Characters: Liza Manelli, Captain Montclaire Vanderhausen III.

The Golords

Shirtless Bible Salesmen
Summary: Shirtless salesmen (Will Ferrell, Tim Meadows) have no luck selling a unit to a housewife (Julianne Moore).



SNL Transcripts